Tracey Emin

Love is complicated and many-faceted even in its purest form, and our ability to love and integrate with others is often the most vibrant thing we “display” in our homes, consciously or unconsciously.  It’s not just our bedrooms that bespeak our ability to connect and grow with another person, but the bedroom is a fabulous place to start since the overt “red flags” are very clear in this personal room. How can you gather a little more information on whether or not this mysterious man or woman you just met could be “The One” just by visiting their home??? 

Because I do feng shui of some sort all day, every day, I have the unfortunate curse gift of knowing as soon as I see a man’s home if he is even remotely available for a healthy relationship in a real way.  Of course, its tempting to ignore this information and say that I am just being paranoid,  but EVERY SINGLE TIME I see big red flags their home, soon after I see the big red flags I saw in their home in my life…!

What should you look for when you first visit the home of someone you romantically fancy to get strong clues as to how ready they are for the relationship they seem to want?

this is the ultimate "relationship readiness" feng shui book!!!

1. LIGHT- When you visit their place, is it dark? Is the house dark overall? While dim light can be “mood-lighting”, if this is the general light scheme it is often a sign of someone who does not want to truly connect to others in an intimate way.

2. HYPER-MINIMALISM- While many of you who read Dwell and are excited to have a Jetson’s-like MidCentury Modern Masterpiece home, sometimes the urge toward minimal can be extreme. Super-spare homes can signal the inability to commit, even the desire to remain isolated and keep people at a distance.

3. HOW MUCH DO YOU LIKE THEIR COLOR CHOICES?- Yes, men and women are very different when it comes to color preferences, but some colors and hues may make us physically uncomfortable or ill at ease.  For example, a man may really feel peaceful visiting his girlfriend’s beige & rose-walled modern apartment (pink signals calm and fidelity, optimism and openness) but largey purple-hued decor may make people very uncomfortable (purples in large doses can mean a deep desire to be seen as spiritual, separate from others… and, thus, often flaky and dramatic!).   Do you like your boyfriend or girlfriend’s color choices?  Color affinity can be a strong indicator of how comfortable you will feel when you know this person better, as color often reflects our elemental nature.

4. DO THEY HAVE TWO NIGHTSTANDS FLANKING THEIR BED? Each and every time I see a one-nightstanded man or woman who swears they want a relationship I usually see a TV in the bedroom and sometimes even a stack of work-related reading near the bed= all signs you are pretty much resigned to being alone.  If you are comfortable with the sense of imbalance in a one-nightstanded room, you may be very comfortable alone whether you admit it or not.  The nightstands do not need to match, but they do have to be there in some way, shape or form.

5. ARE THEIR PHYSICAL OBSTACLES IN THE BEDROOM? Common bedroom obstacles I see:  ceiling fans over beds, mirrors that face the doorway (especially when you can’t see your full reflection in them!), pointy furniture facing you as you walk in or approach the bed, beds pressed up against a wall so its impossible to enter comfortably, clutter in the entranceway, doors that either don’t exist or are hard to open and ceiling that slope over beds.  These are all varying degrees or red flags, so take note and if things are going well… get feng shui’d together before spending too much time in one place for too long together that is not going to support your feeling good together!

Of course this list could go on and on since there are so many variables to love;  a one-size-fits-all solution would be very short-sited on my part.  If you want to become an expert on the topic, grab your own copy of the great old classic feng shui book written by the founder of Pyramid Feng Shui, Nancilee Wydra, “Look Before You Love.”  Every time I pick it up and turn a few pages I find myself re-doing pieces of my home (as I will be doing tonight); it is a truly essential read if you personally want to master feng shui the topic of love.

Questions, comments, personal dating case-studies to present (!)???  Fire-away!  xoxoxo Dana