Cutting The Cord: Wiping Out The Toxic Relationships In Your Life!

Aug 20, 2012 | Creativity

While I stay away from the woo woo metaphysics to an enormous degree, I have experienced and have witnessed the phenemonon of psychic vampires many times.  We are all connected as human beings, and while out positive bonds help us to grow, sometimes a weird and unexplainable negative “cord” binds us to another in a negative fashion. You know, those people you can’t live with and can’t live without? Yep…read on! 

How do you know if its time to cut the negative cord with someone (or multiple people)? Have you ever felt drained by a conversation? That is a minor version of vampires in action.  Have you been drained by a friend, love or family member, constantly?  Do you feel spun out or on a roller-coaster that seems to have many more lows than highs?  Do you get frequent headaches, massive anxiety attacks and crazy freak-outs?  This could be the result of high-level vampire behavior sucking your energy.  I don’t believe that this behavior is intentional most of the time.  I don’t believe that these people are bad and wrong, but if you don’t create healthy boundaries this behavior can become devastating to your life.

The worrisome part of this behavior? When you get involved with someone who “needs” you in this energetic way, it can feel like “deep love” or some other really powerful but dysfunctional bond and it sneaks up on you, the draining and life-sucking energy.  My friend explained it as a metaphor presented in a Pierce Brosnan movie.  Yep. It goes like this: “If you put a frog in a pot of boiling water he will spring out to save his life.  If you put a frog in a pot of cold water and slowly warm up the water to a boil, the frog will boil to death.”  This vampire behavior will slowly boil you like that second frog who got so used to suffering that he didn’t know it was that bad until it was too late.  Don’t be that frog!!!

Now…what do you do to cut these negative attachments with people who are draining your life force?

  • Make peace with any anger, conflict and resentment you have toward whoever in the present (or the past) has been a negative drain on your life. In doing so, realize that no one can take your energy without you allowing that to happen.
  • Some people suggest taking frequent baths to energetically “cleanse” yourself.  The feng shui behind the bath habit is that you will amp up your water element.  Water is the element of fresh starts, of emotional richness and revived motion.
  • I read about and tried this exercise and it is very cool: Visualize yourself on a bridge and the person who you need to but the negative attachment with is on the other side of the bridge.  Walk toward the person and picture them walking toward you.  Forgive them for everything that has gone wrong, apologize for anything you may have done and wish them well.  Then, you walk away.   It seems simple, but it really helped me to understand the ways in which I have become attached to people unwittingly.
  • You can also try this visualization:  Get super relaxed before bed and scan your body for spots along the center line of your body that feel stuck.  Concentrate on these areas and see if there are people and situations that spring to mind when you focus on each area.  Do you feel the ties that bind you to these people in a negative fashion? If so, imagine you have a scissor and can cut these chords.  This is a beautiful symbolic way to imagine the negative ways that people relate to one another melting away, rather than wishing people away from you.  Before you sleep, wish everyone well in your life.  I always do this before bed… sending positive thoughts out into the world.
  • Clear the old stuff out of your space that is loaded with tainted energy from people in your past who are no longer in your life who have brought you grief.  A friend wore a necklace given to him by a toxic ex-girlfriend for years, and when he moved to make a change in his life is was stolen off his neck.  You know, its much more pleasant to give this stuff to charity or recycle it!
  • Spend lots of time in nature and spend time every day – or at least every week- by yourself and unplugged from electronics.  This is a great way to strengthen your personal energy.

Its important that I reiterate that this post is not about witchcraft or magic- its about your psychological well-being and energetic (qi) life force and vitality.  That said, when you cut chords of negative attachment and work on strengthening positive attachments what happens can feel magical. Enjoy your power!

xoxo Dana



The 30 Day Negativity Detox is a commitment to happy-making, mirror-polishing, life-lifting and simple space shifting for 30 days.  It’s loaded with lots of actions (some you may know for sure even if you’ve never fully practiced them, some you’ve likely never seen or heard of…!) that can help you detox from your own negative stuff, uncover more of your greatness and light, and see happiness everywhere you look…! There’s feng shui, there’s life-shifting, there’s lots of creativity… and it’s a daily commitment to a positive life shift… which is a positive life shift already!!!


And you can start right HERE!  I’m doing the first 30 Days with you, so let’s get started!!!

xoxoxo Dana


  1. Darnell Clayton

    I gave away clothes/items from an ex-girl friend before to charity and made the mistake of blogging about it (infuriating her later on).

    Either way I do my best to avoid her and simply live out my life with less stress now.

    • danaclaudat

      lol, the blogging mistake we’ve all made 😉 Thats great to hear, though, that you are navigating life without added drama!

  2. Rai

    What about family members? Emotionally draining and toxic… but family?

    • danaclaudat

      You can still work on getting rid of the negative emotionally draining “cord” of attachment and focus on positive ways to relate! This discussion is not about X -ING people out (even though you do have to sometimes it seems!) but rather on building the positive and getting rid of the negative! 😉

  3. Charin

    I SO needed to read this tonight.Thank you. 🙂

  4. prasad

    If you have a positive chord from your ex or first love. Should it be removed? what effects do retaining the positive chord which in a way work as energy source have? Does tihs prevent one from building stronger relationship with current parter?

    • danaclaudat

      Hm, you know I can only philosophically prove an opinion, but these are great questions you raise. Personally I feel we are all connected, so we should maintain POSITIVE connection with everyone we can, you know?

  5. Emilia

    Thank you Dana! These are some wonderful methods to incorporate into daily life. and So simple! Keep spreading the love and sharing ideas!

  6. Dixita

    Simply fantastic Dana, please do let me know if you have any guided meditation for the same cord cutting!!!
    Would really appreciate it!!
    Love D

    • danaclaudat

      I have to think about this one… its a fantastic suggestion! Thank you!!!

  7. Jo-Anne

    Great post….Thank you for this reminder.

    I hesitate to attach a label of ‘good’ or ‘bad’ to cords as some of the ‘baddest’ connections has afforded me my ‘goodest’ opportunities for growth…

    Rather than cut cords because it seems a bit too aggressive and war like to me I prefer to imagine all the colours of my chakra [as a rainbow or one by one…] flowing over me like honey or paint ‘gently washing’ away all cords, ‘good’ and ‘bad’, redoing it till I feel free.

    I release the ‘good’ cords because sometime we become too attached to others and we then unknowingly become their vampire. Remember cords go both ways. If it is a great relationship we then naturally cord up again but in a more loving way, or with intention I re-connect to my loved ones.

    I am careful to Not protect myself from the ‘bad’ now because did it for so long it kept the ‘good’ away as well as all the lessons I could learn from the ‘bad’….you could say I had a non-life happening. What is a house that is over protected but a prison.

    I then ‘wash’ myself with white, pearl, gold, sliver or/and any lovely colour as a protection which lets the ‘good’ in but softens the ‘bad’ into a more gentle lesson for me because we define ourselves not by what happens to us but how ‘gracefully’ we deal with it……work in progress here, people.

    • danaclaudat

      i love everything you said. i am actually revisiting this topic with some updates and to be honest, now going to work with all you just shared before I do any revisions! xoxo Dana

  8. Jo-Anne


  9. Alexander

    Prior to reading this article, I had started cleaning my mind, of emotional bagged up pressure. I started eliminating rest breaking emotions from others, and removing my rest breaking emotions from them. I donot talk to anyone after eight at night, I found the talk before my cool down period created issues in my mind. When you care and give of yourself you sometimes adopt the other persons baggage, problems, which often follows you in your sleep,and prevents you much needed rest. My associates, family, have issues I cant help with, and I have issues they can help with. People really don’t want advice, they just need make a decision, same for me. I have prayed, talked to myself, and forgave many issues, and have asked for forgiveness from them. Peace must begin with self, lovers, mates, children,im striving for my peace, which will help me become myself. Thank you for the message.

    • danaclaudat

      this might sound bizzare but you sound quite empathic and you might benefit from baths in baking soda and sea salt (i cup each) or just baking soda. its really helpful. can’t quite explain why! it sounds like you are really taking amazing steps to create peace from within. Amazing! xoxo Dana

  10. Jackie

    Love this post and totally agree. Deep love can be confused with the draining toxic hooks of an energy vampire who needs you. Over time its not healthy but harder to pull away from. The sooner you recognize that dysfunctional cords are forming the quicker you can extract yourself for good. Never underestimate a cord cutting ritual as well. BodyTalk practitioners can do this as can family constellation facilitators. Break free and be happy.

  11. MattJ

    I referred to my ex girlfriend as a siren that wrecked my ship upon the rocky shore. Now i know…”once he hears to his hearts content, sails on, a wiser man” -Odysseus. The analogy of the frog that would jump out of boiling water immediately, but when put in a pot of cold water that warmed up slowly till hisdeath….is a fitting analogy of my relationship with her. The day i left was not a ‘fuck you, im tired of being treated this way!’. It was an act of self preservation…..some unconscious mechansim took over and my body just moved to get out and away….i wasnt thinking about what i was doing…that higher order cons ious part of the brain was shut off. The positive take away is, im much more empathetic and understanding now….im well educated, worldly, rational, harshly analytical at times, and i let myself get pulled into that abuse that sucked my soul dry.

  12. Jan

    Thank you so much for this post! I actually found it in my inbox after having to cut a cord with good friend, since the relationship had shifted. Very timely! Sending lots of love and light <3

    • danaclaudat

      i’m so glad things arrive at the right time : )

  13. Wendy

    Yes Very difficult if it is family members that are dragging you down with their negativity!



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