Do you ever feel like there are some patterns in your life you can’t seem to shake, no matter what?
There are stories we all tell about our childhood, our parents and our own lives. We live them out unconsciously or consciously. And we collect props from these stories- photos, furniture, clothing, jewels, letters, papers – and they make the story even more real.
To escape the story, the karmic loop of sorts, you set yourself free.
Today, we are going to talk about creating that kind of freedom from a past that need not be the present.
My mother’s favorite stories were all about how perfect my father was. You see, he was gorgeous, a mad genius, driven beyond words, and he was so devoted to her that he skipped classes for a year of Law School at NYU to study at home with her because she was in the worst part of her agoraphobia and was afraid to leave the house. Despite it all he managed to graduate at the top of his class, start a booming legal practice of his own and then, suddenly and alarmingly, things changed. He became a drug addict, a compulsive gambler and had multiple affairs and multiple families (*this is for my memoirs, too big a story to tell) and then his criminality skyrocketed and mayhem ensued.
Now, when you are a little girl and you hear how a perfect man became successful and then suddenly became a crazy monster you pick up two big pieces of information: 1. success makes people maniacs and 2. your significant other can turn overnight into a psycho.
If you look at the trajectory of my own life, these two untrue truisms that were well-soldered into my personal history become glaringly evident. From my dating history to my own wildly unbridaled behavior at early successes in my own life, I spend years living out the same stories.
Are you living out stories you inherited from other people?
Chances are, you might be. I certainly was.
I urge you to write a new chapter.
The true history of my gorgeous parents is that my dad- already with that beam of evil in his eye- had issues with substance abuse long before he was successful. He was never faithful according to many people who knew him well, playing the Don Draper role quite perfectly. All of his personal demise was well estabilshed from childhood and growing steadily over time, leading up to the sonic boom that leveled my mother because she could no longer turn a blind eye and pretend that it wasn’t happening when it reached full boil.
My mother also forgot to talk about all of her own talents and magnetism, all of my father’s amazing qualities and benevolence (he was your free lawyer if you needed him, always, and gave out enormous amounts of money and food and help as charity)… But you know, we see and say what we want to see and say.
All this is to say, you may be attached to a story that isn’t quite true. And even if it is a true story, it’s not something that has to enslave you.
Last night I found my mom’s wedding certificate, her divorce papers, the deed to transfer the house… and I tossed it all in the trash.
I kid you not, I didn’t even know it was packed away in boxes but getting rid of it has made me feel high. It’s was the last hidden pieces of that story looming around me.
While there are many exercises and there are tons of feng shui cures of sorts to help in this regard, the best thing I can recommend far and wide to help you if you are stuck in a loop of stories is this:
Can you be honest with yourself about the stories you have been living out?
Can you write out that old story and tear it up- or trash it as I just did- and start on a new story?
Yes, of course you can.
And you should.
While this is wildly simplified, I will say that it is very liberating just to realize that you are stuck in a story. Once you see anything clearly you are free to change it!
Wishing you a life of infinite possibility that feels- and is- real.
P.S.: To immerse yourself in the light of joy so much more, my favorite feng shui and cutting-edge energy-shifting tools that I use almost every day are HERE for you in the Joy Immersion: 30 Day Negativity Detox!
And, if you want to dive in to your own personalized feng shui in a modern, practical way, Say hello to Feng Shui 101. Its the guide I made for you to create your own personalized feng shui at home, in the office, wherever you may be… in 8 weeks. It’s not filled with strict rules or what you “must” do. Its filled with information, questions, exercises and even videos and classes to help you confidently create amazing spaces with killer feng shui and live with more flow. Learn more about the 8-week feng shui adventure & grab your copy to get started right HERE… And, as always, please let me know what happens!
Hug and kiss
Cutting the cords of disfunction and leaving only the lessons and the love
Dana, you are an incredible survivor, showing all the beauty that is possible if you can carve your “self” in your own image…
thank you karina. I don;t know that I am any more of a survivor than anyone else, I think I have been borne amidst some rediculously tellable stories, and can’t wait to finish my parent’s memoir 😉 You are so right though, everything is far more possible if you let you be you. xoxoxoxo
I’m sending you a HUGE hug, Dana; And a salute for working through the muck. I, too, had bought the story of “your significant other can turn into a psycho overnight” (due to my father’s teachings). This is why I, at age 48, have dodged the marriage bullet like the plague. Time for a reframing. Thank you, again, Dana, for making us think harder about our choices. xo
Wow! I second Karina’s comment! And have to say that I have not done this exercise yet, I can already sense it will be quite powerful. Your blog is wonderful, Dana, and I’m really looking forward to seeing what you’ve done with your new place.
Dana, I am subscribed to several blogs… However, I just realized the reason why yours is the most important to me… Besides the great tips, insights, advice and suggestions you share; you come across as REAL. In our high tech world and living thousands of miles away from you (Egypt), your ability to establish this REAL connection is priceless! Way to go! Wishing you a joyous writing of your new chapter… And may your beautiful self always flourish!
Dalia, what a beautiful message to be greeted with today! Thank you and I am so glad that things I am sharing are making their way into your home! PS: I am dying to come to Egypt— I am obsessed with the history! xoxo
You’re welcome Dana 🙂 I would love to host you and show you around. I mean it! Egypt is awesome. I would recommend coming in winter for 2 reasons: a) presidential elections are taking place in 5 days so in a few months things should calm down and b) winter weather is awesome so you’ll totally enjoy it. xoxo
I have two or three major problems with my bedroom:
two poison arrows directly pointed at our bed and a doorway that opens across the head of the bed. There are two windows, on each of the west and north walls, and a doorway into a closet that juts into the room (forming one of the poison arrows) on the south wall. My bed is currently positioned on the east wall, with the entrance door at the head of the bed on the south wall.
Please advise. Many thanks, Dianne
I would probably move the bed off the same wall as the entrance door unless there was a compelling reason to keep it there. Meanwhile— you can “soften” arrows with placement of objects, and its also really hard to avoid some things… so don’t fret ! xoxox
awesome. thanks for posting on facebook today. kind of helps answer my pattern question. Im going to through some stuff out tomorrow!
Just getting into this Tumblr deal … found you and your info on “writing your story” Thank you …. so much to learn about Tumblr and bloging … also always say I am too busy … hope via people like you that I will eventually get that book started! Thank you!!
you are so welcome!!! start writing!!! 🙂 xoxoxo