Honesty. Its the opposite of lying.
It is quite simple.
But there are many shades of dishonesty.
People lie to themselves. People lie for reasons they feel justified. People believe lies because they can’t confront the consequences of truth.
I know I have done all three in the past. Have you?
When you walk around in dishonesty you shrink your space. You become a prisoner of illusion.
If you have a house full of junk, it is pretty had to move around freely and do amazing things with that house. You ceratinly can’t bring people over to see your house. You don’t have room for new things to fit in your house. You have to get rid of what you don’t want in order to make space for what you do want.
That’s the principle behind clearing space: you open up room for fresh energy to flow into an environment. Similar to space clearing for your physical space, ridding your life of dishonesty is a way of making a spacious life. Do you see how this works: when you can get clear on the lies, you can get rid of the confusion piling up that blocks you from moving forward in life.
Today I wanted to share some new science and philosophy on both honesty and rooting out dishonesty. This can help you to create a clear space where you life is in alignment and super-open to great things!!!
5 Ways That Spotting Lies And Seeking The Truth Can Set You Free!
1. When you are lying to yourself, you can never really move forward in life.
It’s the classic, ” Oh, I am smoking much less,” that a smoker tells themselves and others while smoking a cigarette, and the same number as before. “Oh, I am planning something big,” that you say when you have no plan but wish you did. “Everything is great in our relationship, ” that you say about your partner who has you in tears every other day.
The more you gloss over the truth of your own inconsistencies and the inconsistencies of people around you, you become a prisoner of confusion.
You can not fix the wrong problem and expect the real problem to resolve. Living in this discordance keeps you from creating great things.
2. If you aren’t sure that someone is lying, the red flags are abundant if you are willing to confront them.
When lying is happening, you likely will hear verbal patterns pop up frequently in clusters together:
” Liars have difficulty providing direct answers to direct questions. Liars will use a variety of techniques to avoid answering direct questions. If you suspect deception, ask the person a direct “yes” or “no” question. If the person does not provide you with a direct answer, then the probability of deception increases. If the person pauses before answering the question, probability of deception significantly increases. If the person answers the question with the word “well,” deception is very likely. These responses form a cluster of cues that indicate a high probability of deception.” (Psychology Today: Let Their Words Do The Talking.)
Research shows that liars often quickly flip the subject, repeat the questions you ask them, and typically get explosive if they don’t want the truth to come out. Have you ever asked a pretty harmless-seeiming question and got a response that made you regret ever asking it, as the rage flies out, making you feel very wrong for your inquiry?
“Liars do not want to be found out and will be significantly more uncooperative than someone who is telling the truth. As you push the person to tell you more, there are more opportunities to slip up, and you might detect frustration or anger. You’ll likely hear complaints, negative statements and multiple protests from a liar.” (Love To Know, Verbal Signs of Lying)
3. You can only be a “victim” of lies if you choose to ignore what you feel and see. This TED Talk my Pamela Meyer is brilliant. “Lying is a cooperative act.” This talk about Lie Spotting and Truth Seeking is truly awesome.
4. If you are surrounded by liars, you may also be lying to yourself or others. Its common for people who have lives that are out of accord with who they are to attract people with similar discord in some way.
Each time I get the wool pulled over my eyes in a serious way I sit down and ask myself— “Where am I out of whack with my own truth? Where am I lying to myself? How was I lying to this person?”
Wanting fantasy to be real is a big way that we can lie to ourselves. When the fairy tale illusion of a job, a person, or an experience is so compelling that we slip into this fantasy and let it carry us away, that is where integrity slips away.
Ask yourself if you’re afraid of the consequences of finding out that your “hunches” that something was wrong were justified. Most of my clients with cheating spouses tell me they knew it was happening so long before being able to investigate and confront their partners about strange behavior.
The more you can see your own pieces of the “lie puzzle”, the more you can re-tune your magnetism to bring you more honesty.
5. Lies are something you can feel.
If you are spinning in circles in some area of your life and just can’t find the truth, yet the situation will not resolve itself, trust that there is a lie somewhere in the equation.
Almost everyone tells lies. I do, you do, and sometimes it’s even a habit to do it. Some are white lies. Some are truly dangerous.
Your integrity is very much a measure of character. If you’re caught in lies, they pollute your life. If you are accepting lies, it dims your life force. If you are telling lots of lies, it makes you crooked in a real sense, totally out of synch with truth. Lies are clutter of the highest order, the like of pollution that destroys life.
My fail-safe truisms:
Actions speak much louder than words.
When it feels wrong, it almost always is wrong!
You always feel them.
Trust them.
Clear your own space of as many lies as you can & you will be so spacious and so free!!!
xoxo Dana
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This is really weird, I literally said to myself today before reading your blog that I am not lying to myself anymore about certain things in my life and the sense of relief I am feeling has been liberating – I know it’ll take time but I’m so glad to come across your post and that you’re sharing this concept! Xx