I ask this question to people- myself included- when I notice a persistent theme of woe that goes like this…
“I don’t know why I can’t ever get …..”
“Maybe I’m cursed because I can’t ever have …..”
“I’ve tried everything and ….. is just not possible for me.”
The more the record repeats itself the more slippery the downhill slope. And I hear it often. I have been the greatest complainer and blamer and comparison-maker of all time!
So I wonder, if you are thinking that you are just stuck empty-handed…
What are you willing to do to get what you want?
Let me tell you, if your answer to what you are willing to do is “everything” and yet you still aren’t getting what you want, I think you may need to re-check your own self-honesty.
Yes, I have lied to myself. You may be doing the same.
It’s easy to do.
I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve heard myself saying,” Oh I am just so excited to start exercising with a trainer!” (never hired a trainer) and for years, “Oh, I am ready to travel more.” (never even bought luggage nevermind a ticket)
I wondered why I let myself stay so intensely bonded to these self-lies. Especially when I would wake up feeling so tired and would tell myself, ” Well, there’s no time to exercise now. I’ll do it next week.” And it’s just “not the right time” to take a trip.
And that’s not the half of it.
From seeing friends more often to spending more time with family, tasking risks, realtionships…All sort of fell into a pot of “I really want to…. but…”
A few- maybe 10- people pointed this out to me years ago.
My actions were not always aligned with my words.
I was becoming my worst nightmare- a fraud.
Lest you feel too much pity for me, I’ve come to see that I simply can’t write or talk or recommend things that I don’t do and don’t align with.
Once I could sit down and say:
I’m lacking love because of my own lack of interest in taking a risk.
I’m not athletic because I’ve been lazy.
I’m not phenemonally wealthy because I have refused to take the steps to create that.
And on, and on.
Stated really clearly: It is my responsibility. It’s not cosmic, it’s not the fault of my parents. It’s not the fault of men or women of my past. Its not my genetics. It’s not anything but ME.
The thing that shifted life from a haze of “why can’t I get what I want?!” to “I always get what I need” was disarmingly simple and took a decade to make a habit:
I am willing to do everything to get what I want and need.
That means being terrified, overwhelmed, in chaos at times, facing hard truths, many apologies for the past and… unapologetically living now.
If you are waiting to see change, you’ll be waiting in self-deception.
There’s luggage in my closet, and trips booked all year. There’s a ton of love in my life. There’s more risk around me. There’s opportunity everywhere.
And it was all a product of being willing to do everything rather than keep lying to myself that somehow I had tried so hard and it wasn’t “in the cards.”
That job you have might be wrong for you, but what is right for you can’t find you if you don’t make decisions.
There’s love everywhere if you are willing to give in to it.
There’s money everywhere. And adventure. And power. And philanthropy…
You might want to try: asking yourself if you are blaming other people or “the universe” for your woes. Are you? It’s so common I can’t begin to tell you.
And… see if you feel willing to do whatever it takes (that’s moral, ethical and legal, of course!) to get what you want. If you aren’t ready to do everything it takes to have one thing you want, be aware of it so you aren’t a victim of it.
Be honest. If you want it badly enough…. chances are you’ll find the time, or you’ll find a way. The shift from being a victim to a creator is enough to do amazing things.
Want to next-level this? Put a symbol into your home of what you are willing to do everything and anything to have. Art, a photo, a vision board, a statue, a stone, even a Post-It note… anything that really cements your commitment.
Now do it! & have fun! xoxo Dana
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I’m so excited to share this with you!!!
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I have caught myself in self-lies. I have been reminding myself that actions speak louder than words and have been acting as such. It feels good to actually actively go after your dreams instead of just talking about it.