I read this awesome quote and had a sonic boom of forgiveness wash over me.
I’ve thought for almost my whole life that people have failed me… and so… I held them in contempt. I spend my life trying to do things – from success to self-destruction- to prompt these people to change. They wouldn’t listen to me because they weren’t conscious. They wouldn’t help me because they couldn’t help themselves. But, all I saw was they they needed to change and I set out on a quest to demonstrate with my own life just how much they hurt me, how much they let me down and how much they needed to be better and make better choices.
Have you done this?
Are you doing this now?
What I came to realize is that when you hook into a cycle of demonstrating your pain to people who really don’t care, can’t care or haven’t the slightest clue what to do because they can’t listen to you, you start to lose your energy in rapid fire. It’s the greatest vortex of suffering, tears, pain, trying, begging, pleading and, ultimately, failure.
In a feng shui sense, your own energy gets siphoned away and this drain that goes un-checked deteriorates the foundation of your life the same way a big water pipe leak will deteriorate the foundation and structure of your home of your home.
Instead of fixing the leak and realizing that you need to repair the actual reason why you care and need that love, approval or control, you decide that if the leak continues— along with all the mess, drama, stress and destruction it causes- it will prompt someone to see that something is seriously wrong.
This vicious cycle isn’t uncommon at all.
- Spinning in circles trying to get people to see that your feelings matter.
- Begging and pleading with addicts to get help.
- Trying to convince people who say they love you to stop deeply hurting you.
What you really need to do is stop the leak, immediately.
Taking yourself out of the feedback loop is how the leak gets fixed. You shut off the water and start reparing what’s been eroding… within you.
Step away from groups and people that stir in you a need to fight to be seen or loved. Stop trying to be loved, heard, acknowledged or anything else. Clear space makes things so much easier. You woudn’t fix a pipe with the water running through it, so it’s often easiest to fix these viscious cycles by getting away from it.
Realize that you are the only person responsible for your feelings… and you don’t need to stay around people- even family- who can’t treat you with care. If someone wants to behave in destructive ways and they are an adult, that is their choice. If someone just can’t love you or respect you, that’s their choice. What is your choice is what you accept or reject. YOU CAN NOT CHANGE ANYONE, not even if you’re falling to pieces to show them how hurt you are, it will not change them.
Forgive so deeply, forgive regularly and forgive down the entire line of similar incidents. Forgiveness is a really powerful space clearing technique. It requires that you are big enough to grant people their imperfections. It means that you get to stop hurting and you get to stop demonstrating your hurt to try to prove a point.
A little ritual of forgiveness can help you to set people free of the cycle that they are also hooked into with you. It will set you free to live your life with an open heart and it will free you of the need to keep repeating the same things in search of vindication or love. It’s as easy sometimes as just saying someones name and thelling them you forgive them, but I write people letters. And I keep writing these unmailed letters until I feel lighter and happier. They are simple letters, and they focus just on the forgiveness.
To really “nail” this forgiveness technique, try forgiving not just the people in your immediate life who are stirring up these feelings, but also see if there are similar situations that you can forgive, too.
In Buddhist philosophy, karma repeats itself until it gets completely cleared out of the way. Forgive everyone who stirred similar feelings in you until you are really feeling lighter.
Now, forgive yourself.
Untimately, we’re all just trying to be loved, to do things that make us happy and to do the best we can. For some people it’s easier than for others.
Forgive and forgive until you can really let go of the stuff that’s in your way.
The more you forgive the more you can truly live… and the more you can love… and the more you’ll thrive… xoxo Dana
A big P.S. today: The Love Camp is coming (!!!) to transform life with so much more love! Attracting more love and living with more love in every day!
It’s over two years in the making, so I’m beyond-thrilled to share this with you!!! The FREE 3-Video series kicks things off right HERE!!! This hour of feng shui videos for love starts soon and it’s only up for 21 days a year…so if you’re ready for a lighter, brighter, more love-filled life, you won’t want to miss it!
Welcome to Creating Genius!
I spent the last year creating this e-guide to balancing and unblocking life by pulling together the best of a decade of space-changing and life-shifting feng shui! It’s 50 days and 50 ways to use feng shui to shift your space and your routines to move from “stuck” to creatively inspired and alive.
And… As a special bonus when you get the e-guide– a bonus that thrills me!— I’m leading a private Creating Genius + Artist’s Way Group for all of you, to guide you online through twelve weeks of creative awesomeness this year!
Gather up your magic & make gorgeous dreams come true!