I used to dream of a life where I was so happy… I even made it a goal for an entire year… just to be happy. No matter what I did, no matter the glamour, no matter the money, no matter the people… I was miserable inside. Dull, vacant, miserable. I look back on pictures from that time and I look hollow, if that’s such a thing to “look” and I get a chill thinking about how I was in such a robotic string of achievements that were completely disconnected from who I was as a being.
Are you there right now?
I wanted happiness that endured. I realized it was what other people had and I couldn’t get it… not even if I went to extremes. Extreme makeovers, extreme cleanses, extreme relationships… Nothing. It was all super-temporary.
I was trying to find solutions, not habits.
But… a decade later I realize it’s habits that help to get you there… closer to a more “unshakeable” version of happiness.
A healer once told me to stay “grounded in self love” so that I’d be immune to the daily stresses, more open to the challenges of love and more willing to take risks.
What does that even mean, “grounded in self-love”?
All I could see were the ways I wasn’t “grounded in self-love.”
A big argument could throw my whole life upside down. Other people’s problems could hijack my brain. Bad weather would crush my spirit. Being thrown off my schedule would flip out my whole emotional core.
Too much could affect me too profoundly. I didn’t have habits that kept me solid and anchored.
It became a decade-long mission to build up my own ways to stay magnetic even in the center of a storm. Good days and bad days alike, these simple habits and ideas started to build upon themselves and become a part of my own far more solid wellbeing, and I’m exciteed to share a few of them with you today.
You’ve likely heard them all before… but doing them often… not many people do unless… like me… they realized that they needed to more than anything else!
That old school Law of Attraction is the idea that the universe provides us with what we present to it…
In other words, you get what you give, like attracts like.
It’s not wholly true in it’s simplicity because if it was, we’d all be living every single dream instantly.
When you ruminate over negativity, inevitably negative emotions will blanket over the good stuff even if there’s a lot of good stuff happening; sitting in positive feelings will enhance the likelihood of positive experiences. It seems like a very logical explanation for how the energy we project directly influences the happenings, accidents, opportunities and successes in our lives.
It’s not nearly a new idea: when you feel negative feelings about yourself and your life…either people will steer clear of you, or you’ll sort of pull away from society and become introverted or isolated, closing the doors on potential awesome opportunities.
Well then, using logic, one would presume that all that needs to be done in order live a fabulously fulfilling life, would be to start thinking positively. And with 70,000 thoughts a day…sometimes keeping a positive mind and outlook can be tricky.
It’s also super-key to self-love as a habit: making up your mind to be brighter more of the time.
Day-to-day thinking and memories are ingrained into our subconscious about ourselves, others, and our lives. That stuff doesn’t get erased, no matter what anyone says. But… it can become far less of a deep-groove in the mind, less of a habit, and more of a distant memory based on the things you choose to entertain.
Choice is a big word.
You can choose self-love and it will change your life.
But it has to be a regular, every day, all-day choice.
And… it’s not just a thought, it’s action.
Indulge in passions.
Changing the way you think isn’t authentic is you’re just saying a bunch of positive words you think you are supposed to say to yourself. Actions are what create new memories and new emotional habits.
Set time aside each day to do at least one thing that makes you feel good about who you are. It may be cooking, going for a run, dinner with friends…but it’s important to connect with your “likes”, friends, and experiences that resonate and define who you as a whole being.
There’s no reason needed to be happy.
The act of simply enjoying who you are and reveling in the feelings of joy emanating from you doing activities that resound with your being are significantly important. Many people fall victim to the idea that happiness needs to follow an achievement or a reason… “I accomplished “this”, therefore I am allowed to feel happy and positive.”
You can actually choose to be happy now. It’s science I repeat over and over because it’s vital for all the achievers out there. You can fail and still be happy. You can do nothing and still be happy. Your happiness shouldn’t be mixed into having or achieving anything. That’s how it endures.
Creatively visualize while you do things you love.
Creative Visualization is the process by which you intently create images in your mind that represent how you would like to feel, places you would like to be, and successes you would like to achieve. You know this. You’ve tried it. But do you do it all the time?
Our thoughts are energy, and if we change our thoughts, we can change the energy and environment around us. Just like changing your space on the outside changes your life on the inside.
Take at least 15 to 20 minutes each day to sit, with eyes open or closed, and create imagery in your mind of all the wonderful things you would like coming into your life… and mix it into an activity you really like to do to create a double-dose of self care. Take a bath and meditate, do a face mask or a hair treament and visualize. Have your morning coffee and write in your journal. Pair things up so you don’t need to find “extra” time to revel in your dream-making.
Will all of this self-love-positivity bring you more good things?
Perhaps it won’t bring you a new Porsche tomorrow, and maybe it will. It’s not about “things” and that’s the part that always gets screwed up in this line of thinking. It’s not about things.
Self-love will bring you more peace, happiness and connection to yourself and others. Things come when you earn them or open up to them, both much easier when you’re in a happy place, but this isn’t about things. It’s so much bigger.
Your self-love and wellbeing is the big stuff more valuable than cars, cash and other “stuff”… and, it’s the stuff that makes all the rest of life easier while making the present moment totally spectacular.
You can’t buy it, but you can start making it right this second.
Yes, yes, yes!
P.S.: If you’re ready to take the energy around you to the next level, detox the negativity and make space for joy, the Joy Immersion: 30 Day Negativity Detox is here for you.
THE JOY IMMERSION is a commitment to happy-making, mirror-polishing, life-lifting and simple space shifting for 30 days. It’s loaded with lots of actions that can help you detox from your own negative stuff, uncover more of your greatness and light, and see happiness everywhere you look…!
And, if you want to dive in to your own personalized feng shui in a modern, practical way, Say hello to Feng Shui 101. Its the guide I made for you to create your own personalized feng shui at home, in the office, wherever you may be… in 8 weeks. It’s not filled with strict rules or what you “must” do. Its filled with information, questions, exercises and even videos and classes to help you confidently create amazing spaces with killer feng shui and live with more flow. Learn more about the 8-week feng shui adventure & grab your copy to get started right HERE… And, as always, please let me know what happens!