Whether you call it “righteous anger” or “resentment” or any other thing, holding onto something that is poisonous and refusing to forgive it creates a massive energy block. That energy will collect more of the same energy and you’ll feel trapped, numb, immobilized or just incredibly stuck. It’s the same way that holding onto junk in a drawer and continuing to stuff that drawer will eventually lead to that drawer no longer opening up…
Now, we all know that stuffing drawers, on some level, is not a great idea.
Stuffing our emotions and staying angry is, however, somehow, sometimes much more championed as justice or some other noble way of displaying strength.
Resentment is a huge block.
Grudges, rage, trauma bottled up gets perpetuated. It can feel unfair to free it— because maybe this person or that person doesn’t deserve forgiveness. Or because it’s unforgiveable. Or it’s too hard to think about it. Or if you think about something else it will just go away…
But like all things- including junk drawers- looking away doesn’t clear them out.
Diving in and untangling, unwinding, clearing and releasing stuff is what get’s that drawer clean.
And, no matter how hard it can seem, unwinding, clearing and releasing resentment isn’t much different.
Resentment is one of the most absolutely poisonous emotions that is social acceptable in many circumstances. While many actions may be unforgivable, if those commiting the actions are unforgiveable this becomes like a snowball of anger and trauma that attracts to it more reasons to feel your life in turbulence or to stay stuck or blocked in some way.
Judith Orloff writes about the power of true forgiveness to truly transform life:
” Forgiveness is a state of grace, nothing you can force or pretend. I guide patients toward the large-heartedness to forgive both injuries others have caused or they’ve self-inflicted. Forgiveness penetrates the impenetrable–the obstinacy that stifles love, the tenacious pain that dams our energy reserves. A Stanford research study showed that forgiveness significantly decreases stress, rage, and psychosomatic symptoms. I’m not saying that betrayal is ever justified, that you aren’t entitled to be upset if someone wrongs you. Or that you shouldn’t try to improve or else leave a destructive situation. Forgiveness, though, ensures that resentments don’t feed on your energy. Finally, remember forgiveness refers to the actor, not the act. Not the offense but the woundedness of the offender.”
Balancing your life is great groundwork to begin emotional clearing.
Deepak Chopra offers a set of steps to move through painful emotions and transform them in THIS article. Part of what he emphasises is the power of a balanced life to support the emotional work you are doing.
He writes :
” Through meditation we can experience our silent self beyond our thoughts and emotions. This is our internal reference point for equilibrium. From here we can create a desired outcome. To restore balance in our life, meditation must be an essential ingredient.
It is also important to support this with balanced activity in the basic areas of diet, exercise, and sleep.
Assuming these fundamental balancing components are in place, I would offer an additional exercise to specifically address what to do in the face of intense anxiety and fear.” (article HERE)
The problem with ignoring things and expecting them to vanish…
As it’s been explained to me, our brains store painful memories so as to protect us from future pain. That hot stove that burns your hand sticks with you, so you’ll think twice before putting your hand inside without an oven mitt and avoid being hurt again.
I’ve spent a large part of young adulthood looking to literally erase memories. That doesn’t work. Also, I found lots of New Age modalities that stressed focusing only on positivity and vilifying my other feelings that were very real and much darker. It’s so true that a focus on positive things helps life immensely— but all of your emotions need to be aired in order to stay healthy and happy.
Facing the harder things head on (with as much help as is needed) can be the key to making things truly better.
Find modalities that help you unload and unwind trauma.
When trauma is deeply mixed into these incidents, they have staying power if not addressed. I’ve had many of these incidents, and much resentment, starting from childhood. I took my feelings out on myself in self-destructive ways, and later they became a block toward moving forward in many areas of my life.
One of the greatest tools I’ve found to unlock the trauma associated with incidents that have left me in a state where I have no forgiveness is a type of therapy called EMDR. I’ve also found a lot of benefits from my Buddhist practice which stresses the fact that we are all here to expiate our negative karma and create peace on this particular Earth.
What works for you is never an indulgence, it’s a necessity.
Everyone wants to stay out of the negative parts of the past when they are beyond them.
Hollywood gives lots of lucky people second and third chances at stardome. We should all do the same for one another. That said, stick around the people that do that for you- they let your progess and your positive evolution be the new normal.
Resolve to not hold things in.
Releasing things can be a regular practice. Whether you do a ritual on a Full Moon, see a therapist, have a journaling exercise or any other way that you can let things go… release them regularly. Holding onto ways that you’ve been wronged, holding onto grudges and “injustices” … it all leads you back to stuck and resentful.
You’ll be more energetic, forward-looking, creative, balanced, calm… all of it!!!
Let that stuff go all the time… and let it be something you celebrate…!
P.S.: As we head into a season of new energy, fresh starts and breakthroughs that are incredibly welcome in all ways, The Breakthrough Camp is also coming soon!
It’s Feng Shui to make big breakthroughs and become masterful at manifesting!
And, it starts with a series of FREE videos full of rituals and projects you can do at home (using what you already have!) to create space for new opportunities, new prosperity and all kinds of greatness every day!
And, if you want to dive in to your own personalized feng shui in a modern, practical way, Say hello to Feng Shui 101. Its the guide I made for you to create your own personalized feng shui at home, in the office, wherever you may be… in 8 weeks. It’s not filled with strict rules or what you “must” do. Its filled with information, questions, exercises and even videos and classes to help you confidently create amazing spaces with killer feng shui and live with more flow. Learn more about the 8-week feng shui adventure & grab your copy to get started right HERE… And, as always, please let me know what happens!