Are You Deeply Attached To A Toxic Relationship And Don’t Know How To Free Yourself?

Apr 25, 2018 | Creativity

Are you looking to get the negativity and drains out and toxic ties of your life but you feel sort of… stuck with them?

Lots of us want to hold onto things the way that they are because change in all ways is disruptive— even when it’s positive. Even people who love change and embrace the change-making modalities and love taking risks find themselves rocked by too much change at times, even the most dreamed-about change.

There’s that aspect of change making that’s pretty common. I used to get very very thrown off balance by even the most incredibly positive quantum-leaps of change, even though I’ve spent so long looking for it!

There’s another aspect of change-making that I used to miss— the invisible but incredibly real energetic attachments to things in even the unhealthiest of ways that have also become normalized.

The horrible boss that seems pretty normal over time. The boyfriend or girlfriend that is draining/dark/negative that seems normal. The thoughts about yourself — that you aren’t pretty enough, good enough, anything enough— to do what you truly want can seem normal.

Anything that’s negative or unhealthy and persists doesn’t stay there for no reason. Especially when there are other people involved. We become entangled and attached— even to the things that drain our spirit— and even if we want to be free or try to be free, sometimes it’s not easy to be free.

If you’ve been stuck in a state of “normal” that isn’t normal or pleasant, where a relationship is toxic or you’ve reached an impasse or you’ve been feeling trapped, there is a way out.

And: you’ll know when you’re 100% in the clear.  

I used to be astonished by this before it happened to me.  I remember thinking in an outrage, “How could someone stay in a relationship where they’re being treated like dirt and walked on constantly?!”

And then, when it happened to me, I couldn’t understand why it was so hard to leave it, but it was very hard.

Attachment.  Cords of energy.  Contracts and bargains.  Habits and beliefs. 

All of these things- and many more- can leave us stuck in situations we never wanted to be in that have now become commonplace. You might feel used to being upset, used to being mistreated, used to anger, used to being used, used to anything that crept into life and entangled you in its web.

Attachment is a quantum science principle of entanglement. We become sort of enmeshed with things and people in our lives at a cellular level. Some have suggested that this is why influence is such a powerful force— we are deeply influenced by the people around us because we become truly entangled with them.

When it’s positive, it’s amazing. When it’s not positive, it’s that feeling of being trapped. And it can be hard to get past.

Then there’s the deals we cut to make things work that aren’t ideal. Some people talk about selling their soul to the devil or selling out or anything like that— and what that exchange looks like in energetic terms is something like…”Let’s find a way so that I can still get what I want and make it worthwhile while you get what you want, too.” It’s different than compromise because there’s an element of giving things up that is uncomfortable or damaging.

You can have my dignity if I can still keep this job and maybe get promoted.  (Even though you treat me in cruel ways, maybe it will be worth it for my career…) 

You can have my light and confidence if I can still be the love of your life and hopefully get married. (Even though you are draining and maybe unfaithful, maybe it will be worth it to have gone through all of this to have a bigger commitment …)  

Reading the above examples may seem totally nuts.  Who would do any of this? Who would think this?


And maybe you.

And hundreds of people I know.

We all have some interesting beliefs about ourselves and the world, and some aren’t magical or empowering. Being unworthy, being not-good-enough, needing to suffer for love, money or accomplishment… Whatever it is that’s allowed a really wild situation to develop, chances are there are beliefs that we hold down deep that make these deals happen.

We allow ourselves to be corded — energetically fed on by vampires, by people with less light and less energy— and that attachment becomes hard to break.

It’s not always as easy and a break-up or a quitting your job or ending a friendship.

That entangled, attached, corded, stuck feeling can remain even if the situation is long gone.

You might have a hard time moving on, you may find more situations just like the past one that was really negative, you may not be able to find your way, you may feel totally stuck.

But, all energy can be cleared. You just have to see it… sometimes with radical honesty that’s uncomfortable.

It’s not easy (especially when it means admitting that your boyfriend is cheating, you work for a criminal or you’re being taken advantage of… or anything else) but it’s the most powerful way to start freeing yourself.

I realized that something in me “liked” to be held back and suppressed so I had the motivation to fight back, I saw that I liked to “fix” people because I thought it was my only virtue, I recognized that I put myself in positions where I was miserable so I wouldn’t be able to take risks that scared me that I knew I had to take.

I actually gained a lot in a very twisted but real way from dating crazy people and working for a few word class maniacs and making sure my life was toxic in some way.

I had so many excuses why I just couldn’t move forward into a scary and unfamiliar awesome place as long as I stayed in this cycle.

I wasn’t “magically” held back or cursed or broken. And I’m sure you aren’t either. I liked to think that I was, and that I had no hand in all f the things that were happening.

Once I started to see that big picture, and how I welcomed, allowed and perpetuated my own demise, I started to make my life stronger where I felt this weakness, worthlessness and old story lingering.

Your home can reflect this strength. Clear it. Energize it. Fill it with intention.

Your energy will reflect this strength.  You will have so much more of it! Step-by-step, practicing more high vibe habits of self-love really are energetic magic. You become used to being so much happier all the time.

Your whole life is a reflection of how you feel inside.
When you can grow and learn and develop where you’ve felt weak or unworthy, the reflection on the outside becomes insanely more abundant.

What happens when you’re truly and completely free of these entanglements?


Things start moving where they’ve been stuck. New situations that are healthy present themselves where they’ve been unhealthy. Risks become easier to take. Life starts to rally around your confidence… and you have loads of confidence!

I’m not interested in overnight fixes for giant patterns and problems because they’re not real. I am interested in major decisions and commitments made every single day, dedicated to seeking more light and power and holistic awesomeness.

Even if you’ve been in the dark or the same-same struggle for a long while, the light is always there waiting for you!



P.S.: If you’re ready to take the energy around you to the next level, detox the negativity and make space for joy, the Joy Immersion: 30 Day Negativity Detox is here for you.

THE JOY IMMERSION is a commitment to happy-making, mirror-polishing, life-lifting and simple space shifting for 30 days. It’s loaded with lots of actions that can help you detox from your own negative stuff, uncover more of your greatness and light, and see happiness everywhere you look…!

There’s feng shui, there’s life-shifting, there’s lots of creativity… and it’s a daily commitment to a positive life shift… which is a positive life shift already!!!

And you can start right HERE!


creating genius creativity book

Welcome to Creating Genius!
I spent the last year creating this e-guide to balancing and unblocking life by pulling together the best of a decade of space-changing and life-shifting feng shui! It’s 50 days and 50 ways to use feng shui to shift your space and your routines to move from “stuck” to creatively inspired and alive.

Start Creating Genius right HERE!

Gather up your magic & make gorgeous dreams come true!


Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Latest Posts



Share via