In feng shui, WISDOM is directly related to RELATIONSHIPS; better wisdom means better relationships. This is all well and good, until you go out and seek the wisdom to have better relationships. A bit bored of the “He’s Just Not That Into You” and “Men Who Love Bitches” brand of nonsense books based on opinion, I wanted cold, hard facts. Ask and you shall receive! At least twelve people in the span of a month recommended that I read Dr. Pat Allen’s book, “Getting To I Do”. “Getting To I Do” sounds a bit… desperate, no? Shouldn’t marriage be something magical, and relationships impossible to quantify in a written manual?! I had no idea what would happen as I sat down to order my copy on Amazon…
For over four years I have been hearing about this somewhat cult-famous “Love Doctor” based in Los Angeles who is actually a highly-regarded Cognitive Behavioral Therapist named Dr. Patricia (Pat) Allen. Legend has it that after you attend one or two of her Monday night seminars on the West Side of Los Angeles you will soon get married or have a better relationship/marriage than you ever thought possible. What was the deal? Where was my book?!
It arrived! I read “Getting To I Do” in one day. It was a fun and chaotic day, where I got extremely mad and excessively excited. Why? And, what’s this got to do with feng shui and your personal love life?!
Yin & Yang in RELATIONSHIPS: In feng shui and all of Traditional Chinese Medicine theory, yin & yang are the two “energies” of life. Yin is quiet, cool and elegant. Yang is louder, active and more aggressive. I am generalizing, but we have all seen the Yin/Yang symbol. There is yin within yang, and yang within yin. We need both to be in balance. But: in a relationship, Pat Allen explains how you need to decide if you will be the Yin (female) energy or the Yang (male) energy before you begin. This sounds nuts, right? Of course, every man wants to be Yang and every woman Yin…But, no… In modern society, women want to be Yang in life (in control, making things happen) but then get upset when men are passive and non-romantic and not really pursuing. Yang men aren’t attracted to Yang women. Opposites Attract. Biologically that is proven. So, you have to pick your energy and get grounded in that energy before you go out and find someone just like you so that you can be in a power struggle- rather than a relationship- with them.
In your home, same thing. You need both loud and quiet elements in your home. For bedrooms, they should be largely yin (quiet) so that you can rest, but add more loud (rich colors, bold design elements) Yang depending on how Yang you want to be. Ask me questions about this, and feel free to send me pix of your bedroom and we can discuss more…!
Knowing What You Want Means Knowing What You Don’t Want: This is a revolutionary concept. Instead of running around saying that you know exactly what you want and until you find that list of 100 attributes in one person you will keep searching, why not meet people and learn what you don’t want as things arise rather than trying to break them down into bits to see if they match and ideal you formulated in your head or on a page before you know them?! There’s something to be said for getting to know people before getting involved with them in “love relationships”.
Committing to A Relationship (Not A Person): Yep, Pat Allen’s advice across the boards is that when you are committed to a relationship you commit to the relationship, not a person. You aren’t dependent or addicted to them, but, rather, committed to the relationship you have with your significant other. We don’t have to be perfect and never will be perfect, so committing to the perfect notion of a person will always let you down…!
And, the kicker: No Sex Before Commitment To A Relationship: Well, I have believed in this for a long time, but right about now many of you have decided this all sounds crazy. But, you see, scientifically, when sex starts, chemicals change. Women biologically bond to men they barely know when they sleep with them too soon, and a man may never bond to that woman because they have different chemical make-up and free sex is not something “attractive” for Yang men to hold onto. This is Pat’s opinion based on science, not morals. She says if you want to have “free sex” without a commitment, go ahead…but don’t expect much from it…
This is a killer compilation of wisdom based on BIOLOGY and SCIENCE (rather than someone’s opinion! or someones belief system!) to get you ready for Valentine’s Day/ every day in LOVE! As with all things, take what you can and try not to be offended by the rest. This woman is a doctor, not a moralist or a feminist at all. The statistics do show that her Los Angeles seminar alone has been responsible for over 2000 HAPPY marriages. And those reviews on Amazon were really magnetic- and there are a zillion of them! But, for me, the fact that I literally read “Getting To I Do” and had a man show up at my door, LITERALLY AT MY DOOR, is, well, enough reason to give it a read (and re-read it, as he wasn’t quite Mr. Right!) ! Some love wisdom to boost your relationship quotient in the New Year! Have fun!!!
Great blog Dana!
Thanks for sharing, Dana! Have fun with it!! In a video, she mentioned women being in love with themselves with or without a relationship. Did she explain that in the book?
Yes, she does! She’s a trip, but she’s makes good sense!