Last night a bunch of friends and I went to the famed Dr. Pat Allen Relationship Seminar in West Los Angeles and it was a pretty amazing revelation. You see, while I never have a shortage of men around me, I have felt like marriage and all its accoutrement were great for other people, but not me. Recent events in my life have dramatically changed my mind and decided that a marriage-like relationship was not just worth it, it is part of fulfilling my purpose here on the planet this time around. Two minds better than one, etc, etc. So, off we all went to the Odyssey Theater to see Dr. Pat Allen in all her glory.
Dr. Pat Allen is a cognitive behavioral therapist, an addiction specialist and an overall bad ass author who dishes straight scientific (fantastic word to emphasize) love advice with nothing watered down (here you can read more of the background of her best-selling book Getting To I Do). I heard you could ask her questions. I nearly flew onto the stage to volunteer myself, then spend the greater part of a half hour coming up with a stellar question and could think of nothing but the truth.
So, I said it. ” Why do I meet all these lame guys who I could never imagine spending my life with?”
Pat’s answer:” Where do you hunt?”
That was it. Hunt? For men? Can you say desperate?????
She explained, and I paraphrase even though it was taped: If you aren’t out in the world looking at people, you miss all the opportunities. You want a man who is a man, you need to go out and look around. You need to shop up where they are. You need to look in their eyes for 5 seconds- 5 full seconds- and smile. This is a biological cue. You have to pick, as a woman, with your ears, not your eyes. Women who pick men with their eyes are acting like men. Men pick with their eyes. Its nature, not political correctness. And, if a guy approaches you, he speaks first. Men speak first in nature. Again, its not about being PC, its just biology.
Yeah. Take all of that in.
So, perhaps you actually have to make a point of going out with purpose to find Mr. or Mrs. Right? I always seem to meet people when I’m not looking, (and they seem to be 100,000,000% wrong for me), so I think I’ll go with science & biology on this one! how do you feel about this? Do you go out looking for love?! How’d you meet the love of your life? Please tell me as I just adore these stories!
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Always, I love hearing from you! xoxo Dana
I met the love of my life in a parking lot. We didn’t know it at the time…it was just two kids picking up on each other. But I do remember smiling into each others’ eyes. 10 years later we got married. I was not looking for love; in fact, I was finally NOT seeking attention as I was starting to feel more confidence in my Self and my life’s path (specifically, going away to college). But we have always been very intentional about how we have practiced our relationship, which I think is what enabled us to get past the “rough patches” that break up most twenty-something couples.