Do you adopt other people’s fear? I have recently grown weary of making excuses for people that lead with fear statements when you share news with them. I used to say, “They mean well.” Or, “there’s merit in what they are saying,” but neither is true. If you choose to hold onto your own fears, you can keep them to yourself. Fear is nothing but poison that can spin even the most settled mind into a state of confusion.
My friend recently shared her own perils of fear projecting into her life. Not too long ago someone “shared” her “expert” opinion on childcare with my friend, citing horrible statistics about babysitters. Now, if you were hiring random babysitters off of Craigslist with no references, this might be a warranted statement. But, if your babysitter is a dear friend who has demonstrated nothing but wonderful behavior, why would someone need to share this with you in a graphic and compelling manner? Suddenly, my friend was feeling spun out and constantly worried about her child, where she had no fear before. She lost sleep, she lost time, she got sick… all because of someone’s fear that “stuck” to her, unwittingly.
I have had countless experiences of other people’s fear and negativity washing great opportunities in blackness. I “broke up with” loads of friends over their fear flinging, as I realized that there was nothing well-meaning in that behavior. Like the woman who responded to the news that I met a great person with, “You don’t know, my friend thought she met a great person until he stole all her money and tried to abuse her.” Yeah, what’s the “well-meaning” in that? There is none.
It still creeps in, unwittingly, with the occasional barrage of unnecessary fear pouring toward me. I’ve wished it to go away. But… How do you manage that?
Its interesting. Its pretty simple. I have gotten a handful of useful “expert” opinions about fear that distill down to this:
1. You attract fear if you ALLOW it and feel fear inside. Its that “Law Of Attraction” stuff in a sense, but…moreover…its KARMA. I’ve found that the ability to stand up to other people’s lambasting negativity has helped me to overcome my own personal blocks and change my own karmic path.
2. Fear is a decision that the worst things can happen, and just might. While this “fight or flight” instinct is useful in true danger situations, when you load up your mind with prospective horrible outcomes on a regular basis, your body becomes fatigued by the use of so much adrenaline.
3. When you face your fears, other people are not excited all of the time. It may mean that they will have to face their own, or potentially lose you in their lives in your new found freedom. So, be ready to be criticized. If I had a dollar for every person who referred to me as full of “unicorns and rainbows” or being a “Pollyanna” , well, I could start an hedge fund with that cash!
4. People who project fear aren’t all diabolical…. but they are in a state they can either choose to leave or that you should avoid. You can have tons of compassion and love for people from a far distance!
All of this compounded advice made enough sense to actually help me become more causative over this life-sucking energy! You may have a method that works for you… so please don’t forget to use it!
Do you have fear people creeping up on you and poisoning your joy? You might want to check out THIS post on Energy Vampires, too.
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This is so good! I’m expecting, and even though I have two other children I have been totally guilty of reading forums where people tell horror stories that have definitely made me worry unecessarily. It’s not being blissfully ignorant, but sometimes it’s really great to avoid the negative once in awhile. THAT is why I choose to read great books instead of watching the news at night! 🙂
xx
Charin
congratulations! and yes, I was also cautioned by half the people I spoke with that the news was the biggest and baddest direct pipeline of fear into your home: great to hear you avoid it (as do I:))
Absolutely! And fear can holding you back. Tv is the worse to make you fear. The
hidden force want you to life in fear. Better controlling humanity. Thanks you again, for triggering interesting subject. I wanna hug you Dana! make time to enjoy the simple things in life.
This is hard for me because the main person who projects their fear on me is my mom. I love her very much, but I can smell her fear trying to latch onto me a mile away. It’s scary since I’m dedicated to changing my mindset from fear to love. I’d love her to join in and be a willing participant so that she too can enjoy all the great benefits moving from fear/lack consciousness to love/prosperity consciousness, but she seems to be stuck in her way of thinking. I see her struggling and I want to help her build a bridge to walk over it, but she it seems like she always shuts down my advice. I’ve had to step back a lot, which is new for me since I have such a caring heart.
Perhaps its true that when we change we inspire a change in others. I saw it in my own mother; she was able to dig in and felt inspired by what I was doing. Its an idea. Needless to say I totally understand…and I wish you the buggest and best of luck! xoxo Dana
Dear stranger, these are also my words. 100% accurate. I have tried many times over the course of my life to explain to others what I have had to endure behind closed doors wrt dealing with my mother’s fear. How much it has sabotaged my life and my progress. How hard it is to just cut her off completely out of desperation for my own self preservation. I too have a caring heart, and forced myself to venture into a world of cynicism and bitterness trying to repress that aspect of my nature because I was tired of living on a one way street, tired of being hurt by the ones who should have been the last to. Tired of looking past face value to see the hurt person underneath who was hurting me as a way to cope. After a while it became apparent she would never really change, not deep down. I found a wonderful person who loves me as a full human being, first in my life, and my plan is to move far away so I can interact with her without the chance of feeling any negative effects. I wasted the first half of my life mollycoddling her fears, then the fears of those around me out of habit, and now I am done. I hope in the three years since you’ve made this post, that you found a way to be done too.
I agree with you. I met a guy whom I like. I would like to get to know him and yet when we were at a family party my Uncle decided to pour his fear of being careful of him. Now how many weeks later I’m fretting over what he may do to me and yet I wasn’t even fearful in the first place. I spelt my terms to this guy clearly. Taking my time.
I agree it’s unhealthy, dangerous and even toxic to what was a healthy situation with two adults who are just talking. Even my mother got involved. They claim its love but it isn’t its control. Ahh well time to create boundaries and ask people what are their actual problem cause its annoying as shi*t.