To know me is to know that I believe we shape our destiny by our thoughts, words and actions, and I rarely feel that there is a destiny that anyone else can see.  That said,  many years ago, long before she published a zillion books and became a superstar in her realm as I always knew she would, I met Carmen Harra.  She was a much different than any psychic I had seen: she is a psychologist with a PhD, a wildly charismatic accomplished artist in her own right, and…I just knew I was supposed to know her.  She told me- and my family- so many things that – even despite my disbelief- became real.   Beyond all else, she was the first person to show me that not all relationships were meant to last forever, but that didn’t make them less valuable. This was a grounded truth that took me a long time to accept but makes perfect sense today!

Today, stepping out of the psychic metaphysical and into the practical realm of relationships, I wanted to share Carmen’s fascinating ways to discern if your partner or even your friends are your soulmates.

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From Dr.Carmen Harra’s article Soulmates vs. Life Partners: Who Are You With?:

11 Things You Feel For Your Soulmate That You’ll Never Feel For a Life Partner 

• 1.) It’s Something Inside:
  Describing how a soulmate makes you feel versus just a partner you get along with is difficult. And it’s more of something you feel. To put it in the form of an example, it is wanting to grab your partner and just hug them infinitely even during your worst fight.

• 2.) Flashbacks:
  If your partner is your soulmate, chances are he or she has been present in your lives past. Soulmates often choose to come back together during the same lifetime and try to scope each other out in the big world. You might suddenly and briefly experience flashbacks of your soulmate, like the one I did when I met Virgil. You might even feel an odd sense of déjà vu, as if the moment in time you’re spending with your significant other has already taken place, a long time ago, perhaps in a different setting. Don’t dismiss flashbacks or feelings of déjà vu, try to hold onto the moment and imagine it further: what is this fleeting flashback of? Is my déjà vu coming from a past life?

• 3.) You Just “Get” Each Other:
  Ever met two people who finished each other’s sentences? Some people will call that spending too much time together, but I call it a soulmate connection. You might experience this with your best friend or your mother, but it is the telltale sign of a soulmate when you experience it with your partner.

• 4.) You Fall in Love With Their Flaws:
  No relationship will be perfect, even soulmate relationships will have their ups and downs. But that bond will be much harder to break. You have to learn to work with each other’s flaws. Soulmates have an easier time of accepting, even learning to love, each other’s imperfections. Your relationship is more likely to be a soulmate match if you both love each other exactly as you are, both the great and awful tendencies we all have. As we said before, a soulmate will never play up your flaws and play down your best features.

• 5.) It’s Intense:
  A soulmate relationship may be more intense than normal relationships, in both good and sometimes bad ways. The most important thing is that, even during the bad, you are focused on getting over the problem and can see beyond the negative moment.

• 6.) You Two Against the World:
  Soulmates often see their relationship as “us against the world.” They feel so linked to their partner that they are ready and willing to take on any feat of life with a smile on their face, so long as they have their soulmate by their side. Soulmate relationships are not based upon one person doing all the work or having a biased relationship. They are founded on compromise and unity above all else.

• 7.) You’re Mentally Inseparable:
  Soulmates often have a mental connection similar to twins. They can pick up the phone to call each other at the exact same time. Though life may keep you apart at times, if you are soulmates, your minds are always in tune with vibrating at the same frequency.

• 8.) You Feel Secure & Protected:
  Regardless of the gender of your partner, he or she should always make you feel secure and protected. This means that if you’re a man, yes, your woman should make you feel protected, too! Not just the other way around. Your soulmate will make you feel like you’re ever-protected by a guardian angel who stands up for you no matter what. A person who plays on your insecurities, whether consciously or subconsciously, is not your soulmate. Many people make us feel uncomfortable with ourselves or with them, and this may purely be a personality mismatch, not something done intentionally. If you’re the type of woman who feels very self-conscious of the way she looks, yet your partner always draws your attention to your weakest physical points, then that might not be your soulmate. And again, it might not be done intentionally, but as we said might be a character trait which simply doesn’t match yours. You should also pay attention to lifestyle choices that can’t seem to be improved. If your partner is a dedicated party animal who stays out all hours of the night, while you prefer to curl up with a good movie, there’s bound to be a clash sooner or later (or a trip to the hospital due to liver damage). These are very practical tips, but it is essential that you and your soulmate share the same mindset and always play up each other’s security. The few times I watched the Kardashians on TV, I saw clearly that Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries relationship just wasn’t a fit, and certainly not a soulmate relationship. She was a sensitive, mind-mannered girl while he came across as an unfiltered, somewhat obnoxious man. They would inevitably bring out the worst in each other.

• 9.) Your Numbers Adds Up:
  Do your numbers add up? This is as true as any other compatibility test you could do. As a rule of thumb, the more numbers you have in common, the more you are compatible. Also, the more numbers your partner has which you are missing from your life code, the better. To calculate your compatibility, simply add up the numbers in your birthday. You will have one number for the month, one for the day, and one for the year. If you add these three figures, you get your life path number. Do the same for your partner. How many numbers coincide? How many numbers from 1 to 9 are you missing that your partner has in their own life code? For example, you might be born in March, which is a three, but your partner might be born on the day of a 12, which is also a three. You have the number three in common. Or, let’s say when you add up the month, day, and year, together you get the number 8, and your partner is also a number 8 in his or her life path. There is no coincidence between numbers, timing, and the people we meet in our lives! For learn much more about how to calculate your numbers and others’ numbers, I recommend buying my book, Decoding Your Destiny.

• 10.) You Can’t Imagine Your Life Without Them:
  A soulmate is not someone you can walk away from that easily. A soulmate is someone you can’t imagine losing from your life. It is not someone you can envision yourself divorcing and being okay without. A soulmate is someone you believe is worth sticking with and fighting for. I’ll never forget when I told Hillary Clinton that she would not divorce from Bill right after the Monica Lewinsky incident. She looked at me as if she didn’t believe me, but wanted to. But they never let go of each other in the end.

• 11.) You Look Each Other in the Eye:Soulmates have a tendency to look into each other’s eyes when speaking more often than ordinary couples. It comes naturally from the deep-seated connection between them. Looking into a person’s eyes when you speak to them is a sign of a high level of comfort and confidence in that person. (read the whole article HERE) 

Do you feel that  you with your soulmate? Have you met your soulmate before? Do you think a soulmate is valuable… or even real? I do strongly feel there are connections we have to people that just can’t be denied.  Do you?

xoxo Dana