Thought for the day: how is it possible to truly love someone and place conditions on that love?

Don’t get me wrong, I love a whole load of people I can’t spend time with… but I still love them.

The pop cultural myth that love is a set of circumstances and it can be withdrawn when circumstances change is… well… not love.  It is selfish, a play for control, self-satisfying and perhaps manipulative to go down the path of “If I don’t get X, Y & Z” from this person I am just done with them.”

Somehow, some people believe that is love.

I mean, its the theme of so many reality shows, movies, and cultural conversations.

Or they find themselves on the recieving end of that “I love you if you do this and this” dynamic, and started to feel less worthy of being truly loved at all.

I grew up with voices screaming. I’m sure many of you have, as well. The conversations were just screaming. Threats.  My mother’s horredous boyfriend leaving- over and again- because his conditions weren’t being met. She spent too much time with her mother and her kids. She didn’t like to drive. She didn’t measure up in some way.  I’m pretty sure she had her first heart attack at 50 after yet another time he left in a flurry of him screaming and her begging him to stay.

I always asked her why she did it, leaving him in her life.

She said she loved him so much, it was why she couldn’t live without him.

That is not love.

It doesn’t come and go.

And it doesn’t torture you, not in that way.

I mean… how can you possibly love– the most unfolding of all emotions- only when it suits you?

It took many years- and actually- my puppy Bob!- to prove to me that love is totally unconditional and only unconditional.

If you recognize “love” in the above dynamic… this might help you! 

I do think its possible to love someone and be encouraging… supportive… help them to see more… be more of what they want to be… all of it.

I don’t think its possible to love someone and try to shape them into something other than they are.

What do you think? Do you believe that love can only be unconditional? xoxo Dana