The easiest and best way to go through life is by taking this simple advice that many sages like Maya Angelou have passed down in a multitude of ways and in many different words that all boil down to this:
You know people by their actions.
As soon as you ignore this very simple advice and start hoping the best of people to the degree that you will explain away their actions, over and again, you become complicit in your own demise.
I have never seen this to be anything but true. If you look back at your own life, I imagine, if you can look at it honestly, you will see that every time you ignored what someone was doing and looked at what they were saying you wound up being ignored, treated poorly or even worse, giving yourself over to a nemesis.
Every friend I know — and me too!– can look back at their broken relationships and can pinpoint the moment very early on when they knew that they were with someone who could not love them. A series of moments. A whole barrel full of moments. Each became an excuse. THIS can help you if these relationships are typical for you!
I have done the same with friends who I really knew were good inside— you know, they have a good heart— but had values and ways of being that reflected really poorly on my entire life and well-being. maybe you have had one of those as well?
There are imperfect situations. There are times when what you want and what you do don’t match up. But, you can see right away what a person is willing to give you as a friend, a lover… even as a family member. It’s up to you to see that for what it is and not roll it in sugar and rose petals and think that it will change just because of your will or your outpourings of love. Or energy. Or money. Or all of the above.
For all the people I know that have loved me, not a very many could show me. Believe me, that’s not a good place to grow up. Many of you know what I am talking about. But, if you can really love you and give yourself the things- the attention, the time, the care, the investment, the self-worth and the support- that other people perhaps could not, you will find that you can have much more compassion for the people who hurt you. And enough self-respect to keep them at a safe distance from all that matters in your life.
Wishing you a life filled with amazing love! xoxo Dana