When you shine a light on that big problem or a big situation or a blow up argument or a confusing drama that just won’t resolve itself, typically you expect to find out why.

Why did my job end, why did I fail that test, why did that relationship blow up, why, why, why…

Sometimes it’s easy to see why.

But often, the “why” seems to elude you.

This little trick can help you to understand why some problems just don’t resolve. And how they can… today.

Whenever I can’t seem to get past a problem, I know there’s dishonesty somewhere.  While its sometimes useful to think that the dishonestly lies in others (*and it can, and it does) it’s not possible to investigate every story for truth.  I always look at my own self and my own behavior.  The big question:

Was I dishonest?

So, where that problem won’t go away in your own life:

Were you dishonest?

Lies have a way of not only destroying things, but they also have the crazy ability to make problems and situations impossible to resolve.

Lies are not always classic lies.  Lies are also choosing to not speak up and silently agreeing to things the way they are.  Lies are masked as good deeds.  The more you lie- even by accepting the wrong things— the more you get stuck in a big mess.  We lie when we make concessions too big to feel comfortable with in order to keep something we want.

You tell your landlord that you are thrilled to water the lawn every other day in order to keep your apartment, even though it seems like a huge pain and you have no time and are barely at home.  After a week, after lying about it, you deeply regret it. You hate where you live, slowly but surely. The simple act of watering the lawn turns into “what has this man done to my living situation?” You feel burdened.  But… you agreed to it. And it was not honest.

These are the kinds of little lies that tear apart good things.

I have told them at times I was afraid to lose something.

Typically, when I’ve done that I have lost anyway.   Have you?

If you can’t get over a relationship, if you can’t get past a situation, if you can’t resolve a problem, you may want to shine fresh light on it and see how you fare in the honesty department.  You may think you are honest and transparent, but you will be surprised at what you uncover if you dare to look closer.  Even if you can’t get back what you lost, you set the future free.

xoxo Dana

 

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