I see this everywhere around me.
I’ve lived it far too many times to count.
Are you doing it right now?
Self-Sabotage looks something like this:
- You are gifted with time and money to make a piece of art and discover every way to blow off your creative time including unforseen drama and other amazing nonsense that was voluntary to be involved with in the first place.
- Just as you start gaining momentum at work you pick up a very obviously bad-match, trouble-filled relationship.
- You “reward” yourself after the gym with outrageous junk food daily and explain away the strange paradox that makes you feel bad, yet you complain that you aren’t getting in better shape.
- You know that one habit makes your whole life better, and even though you enjoy it immensely, you blow it off to take care of small problems.
When every step in one direction results in a few steps sideways or backward or off the grid, and all of these steps are made by you exclusively, you are likely in self-sabotage.
Can you think of a way that you sabotage yourself?
Are you ready to stop?
Can you imagine what your life will look and feel like when you use all your energy to help yourself – and others- only move forward as much as possible?
Do you have a self-sabotaging behavior that stands out ? I used to self-sabotage with people that brought me down. Then, it was TV binge-watching in the middle of really important deadlines (you know, you Netflix five seasons of a show and watch ’em in one day)…
A few reasons that self-sabotage happens frequently:
- you don’t feel like you deserve something.
- you are so talented that you feel like its too easy for you to do things…. so you shouldn’t be rewarded more than the people who try so hard and work so hard.
- you associate success in some way with negative consequences (it will make you crazy, unloved, shunned, sick, etc)
We all have very specific reasons that we can dig up if we really think.
Do you know why you are sabotaging yourself?
I always focus on self-sabotage in the places in life where there seems to be very little forward motion since self-sabotage is ultimately in our control to change.
Margaret Paul wrote a really simple yet powerful list of ideas to help end self-sabotage in her Huffington Post Article, Self-Sabotage In Work Or Relationships? Why? :
Healing Your Self-Sabotaging Behavior
Here are a few actions you can take that can get you unstuck:
* Notice self-judgments. It is likely that your self-judgments are a major reason you are stuck. Self-judgment is a major form of self-sabotage. When you notice yourself judging yourself, ask your higher self for the truth.
* Shift your definition of your worth, from outcomes to effort. Decide that you will define your worth by the loving actions you take for yourself and others, rather than by the outcome of the actions.
* Consciously see mistakes and failure as steppingstones to success, rather than as definitions of your worth. Make it okay to fail. Allow failure and mistakes to inform you that you need to learn more, rather than being indicators of your intelligence or worth, or lack thereof.
* Learn to be kind and compassionate toward your own feelings. When you can embrace your painful feelings with kindness toward yourself, rather than with judgment, you will not be so afraid of being hurt.
* Make a decision that you are willing to lose another person rather than lose yourself. You will not fear rejection or engulfment when you learn to be true to yourself, and you are willing to take loving action in your own behalf — even if another person doesn’t like it.
By doing the above inner work, you can move out of your self-sabotaging behavior and into satisfying work and a loving relationship.
Now that’s all very powerful. One step can be tricky to master. If one leaps out at you, really let yourself embrace it.
Habits weren’t borne overnight.
Give yourself the time to unfurl them. One at a time.
If you are looking for a way to feel worthy and deserving (rather than unworthy and self-destructive), here are a handful of ways that your home can help you build your self-esteem!
Of course, a real self-esteem builder is a detox of your body and life to help you to gain clarity. It’s amazing what a little clarity can do! Here’s how to know if you need a life detox. And… how to get started right now!
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