I think I’ve mentioned this before: I was almost blinded in one eye by an indoor cactus. One that looked just like one of these in this bowl. I took a nap after watering and moving the cactus around the house. Apparently cactus quills sprinkled on my arm as I moved them… and then migrated into my eye socket as as I slept.
It’s no wonder that even the thought of an indoor cactus has me jumpy and nervous.
Once you have had a trauma, upset or any kind of shock, its sort of hard to approach the same thing again.
If it comes anywhere near your life, you may persistently worry.
You may be justified in your concern. Something reall terrible may be happening.
But its really important to not worry.
And here’s why…
You know that worry changes nothing but yet there is this sort of mythology that leads us to believe that our worries, in a noble way, produce a solution.
Worry literally compounds fear, predicts worst case scenarious and at best it can be paralyzing.
But its a habit.
I have been tempted to worry lately.
Someone I love has been on a free-fall into self-destruction and I understand intellectually that I’m powerless to stop it.
To see if I was right, I called a hotline for help last night.
Here’s what I was told:
“There’s a tightrope to walk. You have to be willing to be wrong to be right when offering help. Take good care of yourself in a real way, consistently, and follow your instincts.”
Those are my big notes from the very helpful call.
What’s interesting is that you have no time to worry (even when its justified) when you are in the process of solving a problem.
You also have no time to worry when you are consistently taking great care of yourself.
And there is no time to worry when you follow your instincts.
In fact, your instincts will be cancelled by worry, so its really important not to worry.
1. Love yourself in concrete actions every day.
2. Write out your worries and anything you can realistically do, right now, to handle your own end of the problem. Create a plan. A plan that is filled with actions to take in place of worrying.
3. When relevant, call hotlines, attend groups, stay immersed in help. You are not weak or wrong because you need help. You are stronger and smarter for accepting help!
4. Visualize positive outcomes when you think of the person, place, or thing. Don;t create negative scenarious in your mind… use the power of your mind to envision the positive.
5. No matter what happens, this too shall pass. When the problems are yours you have more control. When the problems belong to people around you, you can be supportive but you can not fix them.
The more you can unhinge yourself from worry, the bigger the responsibilities you can handle, the more you can take on in the world, and the more you can love without fear. Practice turning worries into actions. Practice transforming worst case scenarios into beautiful things. And watch your world expand…! xoxo Dana
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Love this and the Mercury Retrograde article. Thank You.
Thank you for this post! I like the ” 15 ways to love yourself more” list.
But you see, whenever I see such a list, I’m thinking: yes, very nice, I really want to, but ….where does my 4-year-old fit in?? Taking time for myself is very difficult with working (55 min commute) and taking care of the house and a kid. I’m not a single mother, but it’s still a lot of juggling….
I will try your tips though…
we all hae a ton to juggle, but everything you want to do is possible. pick something that excites you and doesn’t feel like an obligation & I bet you’ll get it done 🙂