(golden deliciousness from Midwest Alchemy)
Value is arbitrary. Well, not quite arbitrary… its assigned. We give things value. And… we give ourselves value.
When I see someone struggling with money, love or health habits I always ask, carefully or in some way… ” How much do you value yourself?”
If you can raise your own value in tangible ways, the problems seem to melt away.
How much do you value yourself?
I didn’t grow up around people who valued themselves. Perhaps you didn’t either.
It seems to be more common than uncommon to be the product of families that were a hotbed of dysfunction to a lack of lots of things, but mainly a lack of integrity and self-value all-round. After all… people who value themselves highly don’t stick around in toxic relationships.
High self-worth makes it almost unthinkable to allow someone to lie, cheat, demean or otherwise harm and stay close by. People who feel great value for their lives seem to love themselves first and then others greatly.
It took me very little time to realize for myself that value was not something on the outside, something to manipulate or work for in a self-effacing way.
Every time I think of value, I think of the old friend who would scour her boyfriends emails looking for ammunition to kick off a flight because she wasn’t sure she was valuable enough to have a real relationship.
Why is getting someone’s attention or validation so valuable that it can steal your attention?
If you have a life of high value, no one person who is toxic can pull you out of life and onto a roller-coaster of games.
My most memorable client early on is a woman I deeply admire. She’s deeply admired universally, actually.And when I went to see her and I worked with her, she asked me my price at the end. She reminded me, ” If you don’t set your price you’ll never get what you are worth. You pick what you are worth.”
Talk about a turning point. I still remember where I was standing when she told me that.
Setting and maintaining your high value is a practice until it’s a habit, at least for me.
Often it’s a practice of saying “no.” It’s saying “no” to over-giving. It’s turning down the “hanging out” if you are looking for a real relationship. It’s turning off the phone to complainers and drainers, turning down clients you don’t feel would be good to work with. It’s letting go of vampire energy.
But also, it’s a habit of saying yes. Yes to the mornings to dedicate to yourself and your betterment. Yes to adventures, investment, making time for the people you love…
Yes to greatness.
No to things that aren’t what you want.
I didn’t figure out value overnight. I figured it out for myself through messing up, over-giving, saying yes when I meant “no” and putting other people and their ideas and wants far before my basic wellbeing. None of it is noble, trust me. I wouldn’t say that any of my self-sacrifice brought me extra love, money or health. It didn’t bring me great friends, a stronger family or anything else… but lots of disillusionment.
You might lose a few people when you raise your own value. Every time I do a trip to Japan to my Buddhist temple or do powerful energy work or simply do much more of what I love, a few people historically fall away from my life. Some come back and some don’t.
Cultivate habits of high value and you’ll find more people who value themselves super-highly.
Be as valuable as you are. Even if it’s scary at first.
There’s no instruction manual for this.
There’s nothing but what you know to be right and what you know feels depleting, less-than, and wrong.
Choose to do what makes you feel unstoppable.
And keep up the valuable practice. Soon it’ll be a habit. And your space and life will reflect it brilliantly.
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There is an energy vampire in my life that I need to slowly let go of. Setting your own worth is so important and something I am finally learning the meaning of this year. Thanks for the inspiring words, as always.