I hear the words “healthy relationship” touted as the gold standard in love and friendship and all of life. Sure, “healthy” anything sounds perfect to me. But…is there one way these things look? And can the abstract idea become more personal? What does “healthy” look like?!
Digging in a bit, it seems that some view this “healthy” idea of relationships as a unicorn, something unattainable unless we sit in a fairy tale. Others have specific qualifying notions of what creates “healthy” that are a little unrealistic (i.e.: “we never fight…” or “I’m 100% always adored.”)
And then, it seems, some people just have great relationships, some that work and some that don’t… but they are typically just great.
In my experience, these people who seem to luck into awesome love situations in every area of life aren’t lucky as much as they are believers in love in a realistic way. They are willing to lose. They are willing to give. It’s all pretty much in flow.
Since love feng shui is a huge part of what I do with clients, I’ve had lots of time to explore many paradigms that are thought to be “healthy” and “unhealthy.” After all, in order to feng shui a space for more love, its important to know where love is falling short in life, where its drifted to unicorn fantasy and where, maybe, you’ve accepted less that you deserve and so love seems an elusive disappointment.
Are your relationships healthy? Are your ideas about relationships healthy?
First, lets start with the “unhealthy” situation of either 1. neglecting someone or 2. being neglected.
#1. Clear away NEGLECT.
When I think of a lack of love, or unhealthy relationships, I think of this awesome quote by Anais Nin:
“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.”
THIS awesome article in Psychology Today by Kimberly Key details the signs of neglect in all kinds of relationships…
” Signs you may not be getting the nurturing you need include:
Feeling exhausted and drained when with the other person
Hiding out and/or avoiding the other person
Not being able to share intimate details about life and dreams
Lack of trust and/or feeling safe
Commitments not kept by you or other person
Basic disconnect in philosophy and principles about life
Constant tension or battling
Unable to repair after conflict
Lack of mutual empathy
Health decline and/or decline of self-care
Lack of quality time and quality interactions
There is no effort placed on truly understanding each other’s perspective”
That’s a big list. Its worth looking at if love has been eluding you. Have you been doing this to other people? Have you been accepting this from other people?
The feng shui of it: If so, your first bit of LOVE feng shui is all about taking amzing care of yourself. Every single way you can give yourself love and attention- a day off, a vacation, a new haircut, massages, new candles, great food- whatever it is and however much you can stretch yourself. Especially if it feels like a spluge, do it. And do more of it!
#2. Focus on the HEALTHY & what that looks like to you.
Now, for the healthy relationship traits that are always up for interpretation (!) THIS list by Nancy Wesson is fantastic. I’ve included the first 8 here to start you thinking. You can read the whole list HERE.
What Do Healthy Relationships Look Like?
Here are 15 traits of a healthy relationship:
- Partners can manage conflict and differences without despair or threats.
- Both partners protect and nourish the relationship and make it a priority (not addicted to work for example).
- Both partners know how to be responsible for own needs and also for the care of the relationship.
- Both partners feel “special” to the other. Arguments or fights do not lead to abuse or threatened break-ups.
- Both partners can communicate wants, needs, feelings, and emotional issues with little or no shame.
- There is unconditional love if not unconditional agreement.
- The relationship feels and is nurturing, comfortable, and fun.
- Both partners attend to the needs of each other willingly and lovingly.
Now most of these apply to frienships & family, too.
The feng shui of it: Can you concieve of what could be a healither paradigm for your own relationships? How far apart are you in your real life from something you can see as being healthy?
Try this: In both your bedroom and also the far right area of your home from the entrance door, spruce things up, add lots of “healthy” additions like more sunshine, crystals, aromatherapy, an air purifier, more color, more awesome stuff… Forget the classic feng shui tips and just think about the qualities that resonate with more life-enhancing love in your life.
This isn’t a quick fix all the time to manifest instant love, but it can be!
I can tell you with certainty that when you’re really clear about what you are looking for and what it should feel like (even if its unfamiliar) you can weed out a lot of the stuff that’s wrong for you and love more freely in ways that are right for you! It’s echoed in the sentiments of every single thriving, happy couple I know, too.
The more space you have that is free of drama and neglect and power struggles and other versions of unhealthy love the more space you have to live in love.
Living in love is the best thing ever.
A big P.S.: The Love Camp is coming, filled with eight weeks of bliss-making empowerment for your home and your life! Whether you’re looking to attract new love, love yourself more, love your life more or expand the love you have now… it’s the feng shui of the highest frequencies to bring you harmony and turn your life to more and more love everywhere you look!
It’s brand new. It starts soon. And the FREE intro videos full of over an hour of feng shui rituals and magic to open doors to more love are HERE right now!!!
Wishing you days of living in sync with all that lights up your life!
xoxo !!! Dana
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