We hear all this stuff. We say it. We re-tweet and re-share the memes. Love yourself. Be love. Give love.
It’s somewhat abstract if you’re not really in the flow of love to begin with. It’s just talk. And love is energy.
I don’t have all the answers, but in the world of creating environments that support positive energy, flourishing lives and yes, more love that you can actually feel with all this feng shui, love is experienced a sensory state of feeling at home and feeling connected.
If you can’t feel at home or connected, or you never had that at-home feeling and don’t feel that connected to life, you’ve got a huge opportunity right now to tap into the Tao that makes all things expand and click together in harmony.
You can raise that love-level around you. That at-home, at-peace feeling. Right now.
(@treeoflife_love on instagram)
Giving more love doesn’t equate to getting more love, so if you’re off doing good deeds in search of some good karma in return, you may come up empty handed. It’s not really pure giving, after all, if you’re doing it in search of love. And, in my experience, loving yourself intensely doesn’t always open the door for others to love you deeply, either.
I love to help. But the dark side of help comes when you give with expectations.
The cycle goes something like this when you’ve been giving like mad-crazy, and I’ve seen it manifest in 10,000 different ways with others… as well as myself…
“I help everyone and no one helps me, ever. ”
And the cycle this single sentence creates continues to cycle forward almost on automatic, like a wrecking ball.
Anger, hurt, rejection, fury, a lack of belief in love… A lack of trust in others… A feeling that people you love are always ready to turn on you if you aren’t giving like crazy…
This one single sentence of a story- “I help everyone and no one ever helps me.”
This sentence – and all its variations (“Why can’t I find people who love me? Why can’t I get love back from the people I love?”) – are a kind of trap.
If you’ve grown up as the parent to your parents, you’ve known this feeling since you were a little little kid.
If you’ve been traumatized or otherwise made to feel unworthy of love- absentee parents, terrible teachers, abusive words, too much chaos in your home, etc, etc.- you might have adopted this help cycle as a way to get love… to work for love…
“If I help people they’ll need me and love me.”
Ah, if only I saw this ever work out! Have you? Have you seen a family where a martyr triumphs? Have you ever seen a love where one person wholesale helps the other and it winds up well? Have you ever seen friendships formed based on this dynamic that are anything but draining?
Here’s the thing. It’s not anyone’s fault but your own if you get drained, if you get disappointed or anything else.
You can’t give and expect to get back.
I learned that the hard way a bunch of times. My parents were great at needing help and poor at giving it. Your friends, your boss, your partner, your siblings… it might be similar… It’s super-common.
A crazy brash love guru was empatic as I sat in her relationship theater (its a big live event) many years ago that you can’t expect anything from anyone ever.
“You can either accept or reject how you are treated. That’s all.”
She’s no joke. She meant it. And she has 50 years of experience in this realm.
It made sense. But… what did she mean?
She talked a lot about being grounded in yourself.
When you’re grounded in yourself you give freely and you recieve freely and its all ease. There’s no expectation.
That feeling of being grounded: that is Tao.
If you want to raise the levels of love around you, try this very un-complicated thing:
Feel more at home in your life.
Check your bedroom. Do you feel at home there? Even if it’s not perfection in design, can you sleep well? Do you feel comfortable? Do you see things you love around you?
Check your closets. Do you see clothes you love? Do they look like you? Do they feel like you?
Check your schedule. Do you have things to do that make you feel like you? In Julia Cameron’s classic book The Artist’s Way she urges that you set aside time each week to do a solo “Artist’s Date” where you literally indulge yourself in things you love to do for yourself… all alone… just for you.
If you can find ways to get more grounded in your true self, in simplicity… No crazy rules, nothing outlandish or psychologically contorted… Things become so much easier.
If you’re stuck… get help that’s impartial. Find more ways to become more of you in your everyday life.
You stop expecting other people to fill in the blanks of happiness you don’t feel.
You sort of ease up on the frantic need to do stuff- like I used to in my hyper-social past- to feel validated.
Complaining and fighting turns to gratitude and great decisions.
Maybe you do need to change-up friendships? Maybe there are some things to stop saying yes to…?
It’s not some mystery or sacrifice or cosmic event to be who you are and connect to life in ways that make you feel at home.
It may just be that you never had that feeling before. That safe, at-home, doing what you love, self-expressed, fulfilled feeling…
I only really had that feeling for the first time about 5 years ago. I don’t blame you if you’ve not experienced it yet. But… now’s the best time to go and make it for yourself!
If that’s the case and home is an unfamiliar feeling, this is a huge, gorgeous opportunity to be in love with all of life in a way that maybe you’ve never had the opportunity to do before this.
I’m wishing you so so so much peace and greatness in every day that floods your life with love!
P.S.: The Joy Immersion is a a month of happy-making, mirror-polishing, life-lifting and simple space shifting!
It’s loaded with lots of actions (some you may know for sure even if you’ve never fully practiced them, some you’ve likely never seen or heard of…!) that can help you detox from your own negative stuff, uncover more of your greatness and light, and see happiness everywhere you look…! There’s feng shui, there’s life-shifting, there’s lots of creativity… and it’s a daily commitment to a positive life shift… which is a positive life shift already!!!
And, if you want to dive in to your own personalized feng shui in a modern, practical way, Say hello to Feng Shui 101. Its the guide I made for you to create your own personalized feng shui at home, in the office, wherever you may be… in 8 weeks. It’s not filled with strict rules or what you “must” do. Its filled with information, questions, exercises and even videos and classes to help you confidently create amazing spaces with killer feng shui and live with more flow. Learn more about the 8-week feng shui adventure & grab your copy to get started right HERE… And, as always, please let me know what happens!