While we ideally should be creating our lives like art projects every day, like the studio shot above of such raw inspired creativity, the reality isn’t so gorgeous every day. Feeling less than worthy, deserving or valuable totally sucks, and it’s the opposite of creatively-inspired-anything.
It’s happened to the very best of us. That means: everyone. I’ve yet to meet a single person (even kids!) that haven’t had an experience that’s rocked their confidence, shaken their foundation or somehow made them question or devalue themselves.
As kids, it’s hard without awesome adult role models to see that there are all kinds of forces – competition, jealously, anger, greed, fear- that can twist and turn and critique and judge and bully and hurt us. As adults, it’s sometimes impossible to realize how much we’re bombarded by standards and artifical goals and paradigms of how excellent we should be.
It’s easy to say, ” You’re already amazing. You’re worthy. You’re valuable.”
But if you don’t feel it, it moves right past you. It might make you insanely angry.
I know, I used to roll my eyes at people or want to scream when someone said “Don’t be so hard on yourself.”
No one seemed to understand just where I thought I should be and where I knew I could be how I thought I should be and how far from that ideal I actually was.
If you don’t feel worthy or valuable or amazing, that’s a pretty good place to start. It’s honest. You can see it all. Then, you can actually, legitimately, truly change it.
If you need to raise your self-worth and recover yourself and your valuable magic, this one’s for you.
I used to talk like this…
- “I’m not performing at the level I should be…”
- “I should be farther along…”
- “She has… He has…”
- “I’m not there yet…”
- “They did this… He did this… She did this…”
There was an imaginary person off in the distance that stayed in the distance: the more beautiful, virtuous, lovable, worthy me. The one I was living with every day was just a project. My whole self-concept was that I was nowhere near good enough for anything yet.
Apparently it’s quite common.
None of the below are hard & fast rules, but, all of it can help you to re-focus and re-tune your perspective on how awesome you actually are.
Growing up, my sister and I shared a father who made it clear that we’d never really ever be good enough. Not uncommon at all, I see now. Below, Nicole shares some of the basics re-learned through a life of realizing that there’s no such thing as standards to live up to before you’re worthy of love.
Comparison is the death of joy. – Mark Twain
Making comparisons between yourself and others is something we all fall victim to. Although making comparisons may seem like a benign way of gauging your value, it can give you a very inaccurate understanding of who you are. We all put our best foot forward in social situations and make our lives seem bright and shiny. We place the spotlight on everything that is going well, highlight our successes, all to be viewed and perceived in the best light possible. A recent study has shown that people are less likely to reveal their negative emotions in social settings. Knowing this, when you compare yourself to others, you are most likely seeing only the positive elements of their life, while you are only seeing the negative components of your life. Therefore, this is an unfair way to judge yourself…it’s like comparing apples to oranges. It’s skewed, inaccurate, damaging, and a waste of time. Remember, we all walk this Earth together, but we are each on our own path. Follow your own path. You were born to be an individual.
Revel in your uniqueness:
You were born an original. Don’t die a copy. – John Mason
A simple idea to remember is that the more rare and unique something is, the more valuable it is. You are the only you. There is no copy. You are valuable, simply in that there is no one that looks like you, feels like you, had the same experiences as you, thinks like you…recognize the gifts and talents that only you can share with the world. This is important, because part of building self-worth and value is understanding your special attributes and not comparing yourself to others and wanting to replicate their life.
Cancel your negative thoughts:
In order to squash habitual negative thoughts and self-talk, you need to become more mindful of your thoughts and reactions. Listen to your inner voice and detach yourself from the thought. Instead of saying, “I can’t do this.”, say to yourself, “I’m having a thought that I can’t do this. “ In this way, you are separating yourself from the doubt and negativity. Then change the thought in your mind, adding a positive spin. For example, “I know I’m going be up against some big challenges today, but I know I can to it.” Negativity is very sneaky and attacks fast…so be sure stay alert and on the look-out, so you can stop it, before it stops you.
Make yourself glow:
Stepping out of the shower or a hot bath is a very refreshing feeling. It’s a great way to recharge your mind and body. Get yourself excited for a night of extra pampering. Go to the store and purchase some new nail polish, a face mask, or perhaps some new hair products. You might even want to make it a habit to dress up everyday, more than usual. Get excited to make yourself look good, because this will indefinitely effect how you feel about yourself on the inside in a positive way. There are so many more feng shui tips to glow more right HERE to inspire you!
Surround yourself with loads of positive forces:
They say your friends are your mirror, so you better start honing in on the one’s that make you feel good about yourself, and keep a large distance from the one’s that spread negativity. Positive people make you feel unstoppable and capable. They help you realize your dreams and set you in the direction of feeling great and optimistic.
Negative people will take your dreams away, leave you feeling lost and incapable.
Stay away from people that bring you down, and only surround yourself with people who lift you up.
Think of the people that make you feel good, and perhaps form a group that has game night once a week, or dinner, or a book club. In this way, you will at least get a weekly dose of positivity.
Do lots of good:
Extend your love, empathy, friendship to a friend, relative, or even a stranger. You may not think it’s a big deal, but a simple phone call and a listening ear can do wonders to a person’s emotional state. Volunteer at a local shelter, or donate some clothes that are just taking up space in your closet. Call a friend and tell them how much they mean to you. The only better feeling than receiving an act of kindness, is being on the giving end.”
Think less and do much more. It’s often much easier to change your life than it is to change your mind. When you shift the energy around you, you guide your mind to follow along… So open up to new energy, un-stick yourself where you’ve been stuck and creatively light up your life.
P.S.: The Love Camp is coming (!!!) to transform life with so much more love! It’s the ultimate in Feng Shui to multiply your manifesting magic.
The FREE 3-Video series kicks things off right HERE!!! It’s packed with Feng Shui to help you create even more openness, magnetism and more LOVE in awesome, tangible ways!
This hour of Feng Shui videos for love starts soon and it’s only up for 21 days a year…so if you’re ready for a lighter, brighter, more love-filled life, you won’t want to miss it! xoxo!!!
Welcome to Creating Genius!
I spent the last year creating this e-guide to balancing and unblocking life by pulling together the best of a decade of space-changing and life-shifting feng shui! It’s 50 days and 50 ways to use feng shui to shift your space and your routines to move from “stuck” to creatively inspired and alive.
Gather up your magic & make gorgeous dreams come true!