(@deeannrieves)

Do you? Do you tell everyone what you are working on, what you are hoping for and what you are dreaming about before it happens?

There are two camps of thought on this subject—

1. Share your dreams far and wide as it will help them come true.

1. Share your dreams with no one and it will help them come true.

Today, my thoughts and observations on letting your dreams gather energy is a bit of a mix between the two… but leans strongly toward keeping things private & announcing them when they’re done!

If you feel it’s valuable to share everything happening in your life with everyone and you are succeeding, you are in a great place and keep on doing it! Some people really thrive in this way, sharing dreams, opportunities and things that they want with the vast majority of the people around them and seeing them spring to life.

If you’ve been this way and find that things, though, are slipping through your fingers and not materializing… it could be a fun experiment to try the opposite and tell no one outside of the sphere of a project, job or relationship anything until it’s all manifested and on solid ground.

My general rule is that I tell basically nobody about potential opportunities, big projects and big dreams… until they are done. 

When I’ve shared things before the deal was done, the contract signed or the offer made… before the meeting, the adventure or the accomplishment… I’ve noticed things can get really murky for me.

Apparently, since 1933, science has been showing similar murky outcomes in these situations. Derek Sivers writes about it in LifeHacker quite brilliantly, and has done a TED talk on the subject, too. 

” Tests done since 1933 show that people who talk about their intentions are less likely to make them happen.

Announcing your plans to others satisfies your self-identity just enough that you’re less motivated to do the hard work needed.

In 1933, W. Mahler found that if a person announced the solution to a problem, and was acknowledged by others, it was now in the brain as a “social reality”, even if the solution hadn’t actually been achieved.”

It’s tempting, though, to talk about all those things brewing— might have a new relationship, looks like a new offer is coming… big job is possible… amazing talks and potential plans— because we all get excited about these things we’ve really wanted, especially when they seem to be drawing near. Plus, you want to share the good stuff. And, maybe you want support. And, maybe you want to make conversation.

I’ve done this for all of the above reasons, and found that the things I talk about before they are all reconciled and done and arrived tend to fall through or fall away or lose their gloss and energy in all of the chatter.

Staying quiet and looking forward to the day and time I can announce I am doing something- once it’s all set up- has also become very motivating. When you really want to share things, you will really put energy into making them happen fast!

Now, there are exceptions: if I’m in a group of people or with someone supporting me who I trust implicitly. I’ll share things if I need accountability, support or feedback. But, those people are few and those are very specific instances. I share things with people who work with me and need to know, and very few other people in most circumstances.

I never realized this about myself until during a period in my life when I felt I was accomplishing very little. I started talking about all that “was in the works” constantly so that I would have something to talk about that would make me feel better about myself. It became a habit to tell everyone every single “possible” thing that might happen… and I felt things erode as I did it.

When I became far more private, shared selectively and kept taking steps to move forward in different ways, things started to— finally!!!- move forward again.

I’ve heard this sentiment echoed from clients, friends and family.

And it certainly is easy if you want to give it a try yourself!

xoxo!!!

Dana

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