Love is everything amazing.
But, if you’ve been in deeply imbalanced relationships where you find yourself- for no justifiable reason like illness or a crisis – in a cycle of over-giving, over-helping or constantly extending yourself and making the most active of efforts to keep a relationship going… chances are, it’s not balanced.
Nothing is ever perfectly balanced, of course, but when the scales tip too far in one direction, things get wobbly.
Without a sense of balance, we can feel stressed. It can lead to other issues: spiraling into a lack of self-esteem, draining creativity and dampening motivation.
It’s a slippery slope because we all know that it’s noble to do “anything for love”… right?
Almost… but, not really!
It’s also important to have equality in friendships.
If you feel like you don’t have solid ground under your feet and a real flow between you and anyone you love who you are close to- friends, partners, family, everyone- an exchange that feels good— love ceases to be the energy that dominates.
Today, let’s look at balancing relationships so that everyone thrives!!!
Bob gives me unconditional love, support, smiles and joy. He keeps me warm in the winter and makes me laugh all year round. I give him my everything in return. It’s utter equity! I think most of us feel that way abut our animals, right? And babies, and our dear friends…
I feel that with all my close friends. I have that with everyone that’s dear to me.
When I didn’t have that balance in the past in relationships, it felt like I was being pulled on, drained, weighed down and completely used.
In the 1960’s, the behavioral psychologist John Stacey Adams developed the equity theory of love. This theory suggests that when people feel their efforts in a relationship are not being reciprocated they will feel stress as a result of the lack of equity. This will then guide their perception of their relationship and affect the overall satisfaction one feels in the partnership. The equity theory of love proposes that people will be happier and more satisfied in a relationship where both partners contribute and are equally interested in meeting each other’s needs and desires.
”People care greatly about equity in a loving relationship,” said Elaine Hatfield, a psychologist at the University of Hawaii who is one of the leading researchers on love to The New York Times. ”It takes many forms, including the day-to-day concerns of who does what, and how cared about each partner feels. It’s terribly corroding if one person feels taken advantage of. And it is just as disturbing to feel you can take advantage of your partner.” (you can read the whole article HERE)
The notion of equity puts forward that the level of satisfaction we have in relationships, whether it’s a love relationship, friend relationship or work relationship, is correlated to:
• The level of reward gained from the relationship.
• How fair and equitable (fair, just, even-handed) those relationships are.
The propositions according to the equity theory:
• People, both men and women want to enhance pleasure and minimize pain.
• Society has favored those people and/or groups that act in a fair, equitable manner, and punish those that do not.
• The pressures of the societal construct drive people to feel uncomfortable when they feel like they are giving more than they are receiving. People will feel more satisfied and happy if they perceive that they are getting what they feel they deserve from life and love. On the flip side, a person who is being overly reward, may experience guilt, and if under benefited they can experience anger and resentment. (more here)
As explained in Psychology, “Researchers have interviewed dating couples, newlyweds, couples married for various lengths of time, including couples married 50+ years. Equitable relationships were found to be happier, most contented, and most comfortable at all ages and all stages of a relationship.”
So, if your relationship feels uneven, how can you create more balance? Can you say no when you need to say no? Can you spend more time in self love? Can you talk about this and negotiate a new way?
Social Exchange Theory is also super-interesting:
This theory suggests that all our social behavior is rooted in the process of exchange, meaning we seek to maximize the benefits of a relationship and minimize the expenses. When the risks versus benefits of a relationship are assessed, people will have a higher tendency of leaving their partner if the risks outweigh the rewards.
According to this theory past relationships can play large perceptive role as your mind assesses the exchange process. If you have had poor relationships in the past, even if your current relationship isn’t ideal, it will be deemed as more rewarding than the previous relationship.
Ultimately, we all want to be in relationships of all kinds where we can survive and thrive!
Balancing your environment can help immensely in balancing these dynamics in your relationships.
Clear space. Clear space gives you fresh perspective. Even talking a walk restores balance to your mind, body and spirit.
Relax more deeply. From a place of stress we can not find the greatest solutions, so relax far more deeply! HERE is some feng shui to help you relax much more!
Use holistic tools to create more harmony at home.One of the simplest is some lavender essential oil in a diffuser. You can also light up some aromatherapy candles or draw a bath and fill it with some herbal tea or salts that are natural. All of this helps to create more balance within.
And, from here, from balance within yourself however you find it, you can work on striking more balance in love.
You’ll be more plugged into your intuition. You’ll have a greater sense of what works for you. You’ll be more open to new habits. More receptive. More flexible.
And, while we can’t actively change anyone else, we’ll have the best chance of striking balance for ourselves from this empowered place.
With dynamic balance, love thrives.
That’s what this is all about.
P.S.: The Love Camp is coming (!!!) to transform life with so much more love! It’s the ultimate in Feng Shui to multiply your manifesting magic.
The FREE 3-Video series kicks things off right HERE!!! It’s packed with Feng Shui to help you create even more openness, magnetism and more LOVE in awesome, tangible ways!
This hour of Feng Shui videos for love starts soon and it’s only up for 21 days a year…so if you’re ready for a lighter, brighter, more love-filled life, you won’t want to miss it! xoxo!!!
And, if you want to dive in to your own personalized feng shui in a modern, practical way, Say hello to Feng Shui 101.
It’s the guide I made for you to create your own personalized Feng Shui at home, in the office, wherever you may be… in 8 weeks.
It’s not filled with strict rules or what you “must” do.
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And, as always, please let me know what happens!