Balance is the way, right?
The ideal is so amazing. The balance and flow of feng shui suggests that we should, once feng shui’d, have very Zen-like, super-focused and peacefully-paced days. Focus comes easy because life is like a blank canvas every day and there are zero distractions, all of life is perfectly aligned and finally you can create what you need, manifest what you want and all the rest.
What a dream, right?! And also, a terrific fantasy that can be such enormous pressure and sabotage.
There’s this interesting catch in all forms of self-betterment- the ideal of an oasis looms large, and those of us who love perfection and want optimization and manifestation start aiming for such an impossible standard of lifestyle bliss that suddenly life is harder instead of easier.
Some people might even tell you that you can’t get anything good that you want until you reach this level of mind-reprogramming, life realignment and minimalistic starkness that checks off many boxes of perfect.
Sometimes you aren’t getting what you want because it’s not time. It’s not right for you. You’ve got other things to focus on. It’s a process. It’s life. It can be challenging even when there is nothing big wrong. It’s dynamic. And that’s how we grow and make things happen.
I mean: Did you sit on a bike and just ride it the first time? Did you immediately spell every word right that you learned?
I bet you didn’t. But, you’re supposed to make every right adult choice, do everything “right” and by all means if something wrong it’s our fault for not being positive or happy enough.
This isn’t self-love, or wellness, or feng shui at all.
I know minimalists with more life clutter than you can shake a stick at— because that minimal starkness is a way of displaying perfectionism.
Perfection is the very opposite of everything you likely want. I know, there’s an ideal. I believe in super-high aims and amazing breakthroughs and doing the impossible and I champion all three. But there’s noting to be found here is being hard on yourself and wanting everything to fit into an arbitrary picture.
We are not going to find ways to grow without stirring up the status quo a bit. We can’t even clear clutter without creating a mess at times before there’s more order. It’s the reason why so many people resist clearing things.
Right now, in my car I have three defective things to return this evening, each that promised to make life easier. It’s a small annoyance, but time I’d rather spend doing so many other things. Even five years ago I would be so upset at MYSELF for my poor judgement, my mis-aligned vibration or something else that I clearly had to do wrong to make so many wrong choices.
Yes, that’s how far we can go to punish ourselves for not checking off every box and doing everything right to meet an impossible standard.
That standard I once had was an enormous vice grip. I couldn’t take risks. I couldn’t forgive myself. I couldn’t heal trauma because I blamed myself. I couldn’t ask for help because it meant I was weak. I couldn’t move forward one step because the past was unresolved fully.
And so, when I languished I got buried in life clutter. Missed chances, missed time, so many issues of stagnation, so many problems blown up to gigantic proportions by my own overthinking.
Self-love isn’t just bubble baths and brilliant smoothies and affirmations and yoga classes. It’s the attitude and energy with which we do things.
It’s ok to not be instantly the best. It’s ok to throw your heart and soul behind passions without thinking of how it might not work (!). It’s also ok to screw up, cry, oversleep, eat a “non perfect” meal and also to be ok with right now and all the work in progress.
It’s all OK! And that attitude opens doors.
That attitude does thrive in clear space.
Not perfect space. Clear space.
It works both ways:
The more you feel that self-love, the more clear your space will likely become.
The more you clear your space, the more you’ll find that self-love rising up.
It’s not about aiming for perfection. It’s about right now being perfection.
From that place, you really will find your own balance. It may not look like anyone elses balance— but it will be amazing for you. You’ll be on your own team, you’ll see how to do things better for you… and that is feng shui. It’s the flow. It’s taking yourself out of your own way. And it’s awesome!
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