Feng Shui, in the unique, freeing, infinite, and customizable way we practice it here, is excellent to use in times of rapid change, including times of divorce or breakups. When so much has been stirred up in life emotionally, it can be a challenge to feel grounded and centered within yourself. It can be difficult to feel your full presence and magic in every day. And, as with all change, while you’re in the midst of it, the silver linings and benefits can be hard to ascertain, although they are there.
Today, I am thrilled to introduce you to Carrie Fitzgerald. She’s a brilliant graduate of the Feng Shui School of Intention Professional training, and also certified as a coach in Conscious Uncoupling and Integrated Attachment Theory. Her work is off-the-charts fantastic, and her life is a gorgeous reflection of all the love she shares with others. I’m going to turn this conversation over to Carrie to share supportive and practical ways you can move through these times of heartbreak and gain rewarding enlightenment in the process.
Why Intentional Feng Shui Matters after a Divorce or Breakup
When a marriage or long-term relationship ends, amidst the grief, sorrow, and pain, there are usually changes to living arrangements. Someone moves out, and the other buys them out and stays in the home. The home is sold and both people find new dwellings. If you rented space together there are lease negotiations and one or both of you move out. Even if you didn’t live together, there are memories of visits and items left behind or packed up and taken away.
As a coach trained in both Conscious Uncoupling© and Modern Feng Shui, through Dana Claudat, I know that getting through the pain of a breakup or divorce can wreak havoc on your living space and your ability to care for it. You may struggle to care for your personal and physical needs. Dusting? Tidying? Sorting through old photos and belongings? It can all feel like too much. And that’s when your home no longer supports you but instead, adds to the pain you may be already suffering.
Whether you move into a new place or stay in the original space, each choice carries its own challenges and opportunities. When you feel weary and heartbroken, you may only feel challenged to believe you will ever feel better. You may choose a new space that matches your mood – one with a bad view, low light, or in a less than inspiring neighborhood or building. If your ex moved out and took one nightstand, your favorite end tables, half the dishes, the dining room table, and the rug underneath it, the home may look torn apart in your eyes, matching the emotions in your heart and mind. You may feel uninspired to create a new “home” for yourself, and your sad and worried feelings are reflected right back to you in the upheaval.
Remember you have agency and power over your day, over how you experience your day, and how you see and experience yourself. Create routines and be mindful of how you spend your time. As distressing as starting over can be after a divorce or breakup, there are things you can do to protect and guide your energy as you recover.
Let’s start with these ideas:
- Wake up at the same time each morning.
- Make your bed. Fluff the pillows.
- Open the curtains, the blinds, and a window if possible.
- Light a candle or incense to clear energy and add a desired aroma.
- Go outside at least once a day – even sitting on your porch or a stoop counts.
- Fold or drape the throw after you use it on the sofa or chair. Fluff the pillows.
- Tend to the details of comfort around you.
- Create a morning routine that feels good to you. Choose from ideas like: meditation or prayer, a few minutes outside, time to journal, a shower to help clear your thoughts and welcome the new day, stretch and move your body.
- Create an evening routine that helps ease your mind. Consider: Writing an appreciation list of the day, reading something inspiring or soothing, taking an evening shower or bath to wash the energy of the day away, using your favorite soap.
With change, even change that comes with deep pain, adding conscious practices to your routine will help you feel worthy, competent, and safe.
When it comes to your home, keep it dusted and tidy. Keep the mirrors clean. Keep everywhere you see yourself reflected, mirror, glass, windows, clean and bright. Make sure all the lights work. Use nightlights in hallways, stairs, and bathrooms to add a sense of safety and protection. Fix any clogged drains or low water pressure. Tending to the details like lights and water flow will help you feel cared for, and they make life function with ease. Do these things for you, because you live there, and YOU matter.
To help you adjust to the newness of your life and to guide you to a transformation from the relationship you were in, consider these ideas:
- Get support – join a support group, talk to trusted friends or family who understand.
- Work with a Conscious Uncoupling Coach to guide you through a needed and exciting transformation.
- Remember that this is a stage in your life. This is temporary. You won’t always feel this way. You can and will transition to a new stage with other feelings.
- Hold an intention and a vision for the new life you are creating. Give yourself credit for small steps you take each day.
- Trust yourself to grow and change into the new life you are creating.
Moving on after a breakup or divorce is more than adjusting to how your home has changed. Moving on in the best way involves moving through – through the feelings and fears, through the sense of loss to a feeling of hope and possibility, through the idea that you “failed” at something to the concept that you can learn and grow from the experience, and you can change how you respond to it.
There is a new, exciting, full life awaiting you once you welcome in the new energy and trust the transformation available to you. Let your home and your vision inspire you!
Carrie Fitzgerald is certified in Modern Feng Shui, Conscious Uncoupling, and Integrated Attachment Theory. You can can find her work at her website and @yourintentionallifecoach on Instagram. Use this link to schedule a 20 minute, free discovery call with her.